Friday, March 7, 2008

A Glimpse Into The Mind of a Madman

As we all know by now, in the wee hours of the morning yesterday someone on a bicycle set off a bomb at the military recruiting station in Times Square. We cyclists have perhaps been hit hardest by this attack. Certainly I can't be the only one who has been looked at askance since the bombing. In fact, word on the street is that an NYPD crackdown on bicyclists is currently under way. This is frightening. If they expect us to stop at red lights, next they'll want us to stick around after we mow down pedestrians. Where does it end?

So it looks like we're going to have to catch this guy, if only to improve our own quality of life. In fact, I've already done my part. In the hours following the blast, I visited the scene of the crime. While the authorities were doing their best to collect leads, I figured that it takes a cyclist to catch a cyclist. And surely enough, near the site of the explosion, I found this:



Unlike the letters that have been sent to Congress, this appears to be the genuine article. This is also perhaps the most vivid insight into the mind of a psychopath I've seen since Geraldo interviewed Charles Manson. It's simultaneously crazier than that milkshake movie, scarier than Mario Cipollini's chamois, and dumber than U23D. While we can still only speculate as to the bomber's identity, we at least now know a little more about his motivation. I'm confident in the coming hours that forensic examination and handwriting analysis will yield even more vital information.

In the meantime, if you know any hooded sweatshirt-wearing cyclists with annoying roommates, be sure to turn them in. I realize this describes about half of Brooklyn, but in times like this prudence is a luxury we cannot afford.

102 comments:

leroy said...

So I was talking to Charlie Manson and he says, "Is it hot in here or am I crazy"?

Now I'm going riding.

Anonymous said...

My god... podium

Anonymous said...

Free travis brown!

Adam said...

8) Do something about my bedbugs

agentdetroit said...

late again!

Frederick said...

Pack Fill

8^(

Anonymous said...

so close, but no smokin' cigar...

Anonymous said...

KABLAMO

ainsley said...

freebird!

Marrock said...

Well let's see... I ride a bike, I wear a hooded sweatshirt, and I have an annoying room mate...

But I try to avoid NYC at all costs so that lets me out.

Enhancement Smoker said...

"...the most vivid insight into the mind of a psychopath I've seen since Geraldo interviewed Charles Manson."

I forget -- which one was the psychopath ?

Anonymous said...

Was the hooded sweatshirt one of the fixed gear specific ones, you know, the kind with the built in kerchief?

Anonymous said...

Was that a printed hoodie?

Young jZ said...

As a hooded sweatshirt-wearing cyclist, I'm right now very scared of getting waterboarded sooner or later by the CIA...

KRM said...

My favorite thing about this post was that the bomber managed to find a pink sharpie and put the international symbol for kablooey around the bomb.

ka_jun said...

http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=4407063&page=1

"The bicycle was found several blocks away from the Army recruiting station that was hit by a small device early Thursday morning, blowing out its window.

The 10-speed bike looked relatively new, but was nevertheless dumped in the trash at Madison Avenue and 38th Street and found by a building superintendent who called police."

Did you read that, HE/SHE DUMPED HIS/HER RIG!!!! What kind of deranged lunatic dumps their ride in the trash?!?!? It's clear we're not dealing with a sane individual, they must be stopped!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,264242,00.html

Why can't we set up one of these at local bike shops, a commuter locker where folks can just drop of their unwanted rigs anonymously. The horror...

Cameron said...

I heard that the bike was a Magna mountain bike.

Anonymous said...

free Travis Brown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Commiecanuk said...

The backlash is awful, I'm getting taunts of "get off the road, two-wheeler basturd", " Canadian insurgent" and my coffee shop guy said, "we don't sell to helmetheads anymore". My kids are taunted at school by bullies as the sons of that "skinny, non-diabetic guy".

There are rumors of Blackwater commandos rounding up messengers and sending them to 'Gitmo, with surprisingly little resistance and questions like, "what kinda weed they got in gitmo?"

Homeland security has released info that the bike in question used ALUMINUM TUBING, that's right, the same aluminum tubes found in Iraq and rumored to exist in Iran, once thought to be part of the nuclear weapons program, then the biowarfare program, except they were just tubes ("oops, my bad"-GWB).

Spy satellite photos of Iran reveals people riding bikes from cave to cave in the north. We knew from CNN and FOX footage that Al-queda mastered the monkeybars, we had no idea they had progressed to fixies so quickly.

Sleazy French bike dealers have been sending covert Pista shipments to Iran for over a year, rumor has it they are sourcing the Pistas from Craiglist, hence the inflated prices.

Not all cyclist are terrorists, we are all getting painted with the same big, ugly brush of hatred.

Anonymous said...

Dear BSNYC:
I am not from NYC and therefore I am curious about a few items of news:
1) The news reported that the bike was a "new ten speed". What company still makes these ? Aren't road bikes usually, 18,21,24,27 speeds now?
2) The news reported an 'eye witness' who saw the ten speed; assuming it was vintage, Do bike enthusiasts usually hang around times square at 3:40 a.m ?

Just curious.
VGBlog by the way. Anonymous.

P.S. I can see why you you like Williamsburg, its looks like a wonderful place to cycle.

http://visitwilliamsburg.com/index.aspx

Cameron said...

I think this was co-conspiracy staged by the ISCA and the PFISC. The war between bicyclists and in-line skaters has been waging for quite sometime. I never dreamed that the battle of the bike path would come to this!

Wolfran SC said...

I already turned in the punks at the local coffee shop but the cops didn't seem to interested in water boarding the fixed-gear fiends. They make some snide comments about my spandex though.

leviathan said...

That list of demands struck a chord. One of the funniest things I've read on here. I want it to be true so badly.

Chunk said...

Oh man, you are so going to be rolled up on by the Department of Homeland Security this weekend.

Hannah said...

Did you see the criminal profiler's surmising in the New York Times?

> “He feels comfortable on the
> bicycle,” Mr. Pierce said of the
> bomber, suggesting the person
> could be a bike messenger.

Clearly he is unaware of the near-extinction of messengers. And does he use this same logic to determine that car bombs are usually dropped by taxi drivers?

kurtz433 said...

Enjoy backpack searches up there. Because bombs and guns are always carried in backpacks.

Never in automobiles.

Dept. of homeland Security said...

Hah, y'all laughin' now but you just wait and see.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Hannah,

How comfortable could he have been on the bike if it did not have a carbon fiber frame with Zertz inserts, a seat with a cutout, gel tape, and a pair of those Bontrager vibration-damping bar plugs?

If he was comfortable on a bicycle without those then we are clearly dealing with some kind of deranged masochist.

--BSNYC

BicyclesOnly said...

For more on terrorist bicyclists, see page 83 of this pdf--a "secret" NYPD "intelligence" report:

http://www.nyclu.org/files/Pre-RNC%20Surveillance%20Documents%20Section%202.pdf

Commiecanuk said...

> “He feels comfortable on the
> bicycle,” Mr. Pierce said of the
> bomber,

This can only mean two things: it's Grant "level saddle and bars" Petersen or a recumbent rider.

I never trusted those recumbent riders, with their arrogant beards and sandals and orange flags waving like the own the whole country. Those orange flags are a code call to jihad.

We know for sure it's not this girl.

wishiwasmerckx said...

How can they hope to catch this guy when the Hamburgler is still at large after all these years?

Anonymous said...

Commiecanuck @ 12:21,

Never Assume !

TimesSquareBomber said...

wait, and one more thing... free puppies for everyone!

urchin said...

Surely this site must acquire an image of the bomber's bike. Your shrewd eye and near telepathic sense of a bike's owner are needed for God and Country! Not to mention our precious bodily fluids.

BSNYC irregulars--fan out and get that pic!

erik k said...

wait bikesnob if what you said is true, then he must have also been wearing a pair of Assos bib shorts underneath that hoodie, how ells could be possibly be comfortable on a bike? perhaps the bomber is some sort of deranged roadie driven mad by the hipster trend hell bent on giving them a bad rap.

Anonymous said...

Did y'all know Geraldo was married to Vonnegut's daughter? I miss that guy (Kurt, of course).

O'Claire said...

My gosh, the culprit is obvious. There's only one man alive who meets the description. I'm talking, of course, about former Dutch superstar Edwig Van Hooydonk.
Get Interpol on the line and jail this menace.
Case closed.

Paradise said...

Great post and comments today. Thanks for getting me through the day.

Anonymous said...

well, you did turn in that note didn't you?

Anonymous said...

reckon y'all pushed Prolly too far this time, dissing DART like that.

wishiwasmerckx said...

O'claire:
Apparently Van Hooydonk has an alabi. Does anybody know where Tuen Van Vliet was at the time?

Anonymous said...

indeed, where was Prolly?

Cameron said...

These women look suspiciously gleeful.

Boz said...

We all know the Snob did it - blog fodder, ya know.

Anonymous said...

O'Claire,

How dare you implicate the Boss of the Bosberg!

Flemish Fred

bikesgonewild said...

...herman van springel was always bitter that he was merckx's faithful lieutenant for so many years, w/ so little to show for it...

...just sayin'...

nolucker said...

I suspect it was a disgruntled bike blogger from Brooklyn, in an attempt to manipulate the Pistadex. Everyone knows that geting harassed by cops is a hipster's dream, so the weekend warriors will want to jump on the bandwagon, but 1st they need to get a fixie...........

mr.complaint said...

This is a 10-speed problem and not a FGFS problem or a 12, 14, 16, or an 18 speed problem. It is also not a balloon tire or unicycle problem. The dumped bicycle is said to have been "nearly new." Since it was USED for said bombing, it is no longer NOS. Which to me means it was stolen from a collector. Or bought from ebay. It also clears Cameron, because his are "old and crappy."

Theodore Kaczynski is said to have had some old 10-speeds at his home, but clearly he's not available at the moment.

I wonder what kind of hoodie he wore?

http://tinyurl.com/yo9ymu

Ivan bassohole said...

Everyone know ten-speeds are just bikes fags in lycra ride.

Anonymous said...

Bikesnob,
you are to chickenshit to clown on the Scraper Bike video, because the TRUNK BOIZ are blowin up!

Tim russert said...

wishiwasmerckx said...

How can they hope to catch this guy when the Hamburgler is still at large after all these years?


Wasn't the hamburgler the reason for the Iraq invasion? Wasn't he the "4 of spades" in the deck of the axis of evil?
If it weren't for the hamburgler, Mayor McCheese would have no hope in the Republican primaries.

linda lovelace said...

Cameron said...

These women look suspiciously gleeful.


i was wondering when someone was going to dredge up that old pic of the New Balance National Fellatio team.

genersal lsmenedd said...

this bike is a pipe bomb?

jeremy said...

I just heard from a reliable source that there may already be an informant working for trackstar.

Anonymous said...

Cameron, how come only one of those chicks was actually wearing New Balance?

Jim said...

Craigslist NYC, Dateline: 3.9.08.

FS: Specialized Langster, NYC Edition. This rid is totly fast. Black powdar cote Deep Vees with pink Phil Hubs, Cane Creek $650 headset, japanese ceramic food processor bearings inside hollow tube in bottom brackit (makes it *smooth*), urban camoflage tires, Daihatsu Charade cranks, Sumo pedals, Ahituna tires, Mrmiyagi cogs, gold plated Mr. T brand chain; chopped & flopped bars with presice 2" tape job on bar ends, Bro0oks B-12/Lidocaine saddle. Very slight blast damage, hardly noticable. Sum C-4 residude. Got $9,100 sunk into it, need to seel quick two buy letter wrighting stuff, sum clocks and fertilizer for political science project. Only $650. Serious offars only.

Cameron said...

mr.complaint:

Thanks for clearing me, but me and my crappy old ten speeds still feel like it us against the world!

anon 2:24:

they all have their own sponsorship obligations to uphold. duh

Anonymous said...

Cameron, thanks for the clarification. I had no idea Nike was so heavily invested in fellatio. All this time, when I heard people always saying "Nike sucks," I thought that they were speaking metaphorically.
Anon 2:24

Anonymous said...

Snob, before sundown, I wanted to wish you a sincere Shabbat Shalom.

bikesgonewild said...

...lets speculate, point by point & then look amongst ourselves...
1) END WAR IN IRAQ NOW: not at all an unusual request, given popular opinion...
2) END US DEPENDENCY ON FOREIGN OIL NOW: again this is a reasonable & intelligent request...
3) LET LEVI RIDE !: here there's clearly a leaning to the left, cuz wisconsin is left of nyc on my map...
4) 90 MINUTES W/ CHARLIE ROSE: to perhaps discuss the state of the pistadex or vehicle parking in nyc bike lanes ???...
5) MAKE JARED FROM "SUBWAY" HUMP THE BURGER KING'S PLASTIC HEAD ON TV: given the state of reality television, this would be as interesting as anything i've seen lately...instead of "you're fired", "you're fucked" might be refreshing...
6) MAKE MY ROOMMATE STOP BEING A DICK: now here the perp is getting edgy & a little disconnected cuz, well, roommates are always dicks...
7) FREEBIRD !: if this is a reference to a certain southern band, then it does suggest an unhinged personality, however if it implies an appreciation for charlie 'bird' parker & his free-form jazz, perhaps there's more to this person than meets the eye...
...SIGNED, THE BIKE BOMBER: signing implies a responsible personality & the artistically creative drawing is also definitive...
...however leaving a new '10 speed' only blocks from the scene, well hell, ain't none a my friends would do that...they'd ride all the way home, even if they were bombed !!!...

OpenYourEyes said...

I second that Anon 1:05 and your sister Anon 1:17 - what happened to prolly and his boyz and to those wildly smug moving-by-bike people?
I don't want to start a new MaCarthyism and be turning in the here-today-gone-tomorrow posters, but both those groups were hit pretty hard with comments... do you suppose they might be behind it?
If so, there's only one thing for you NYC riders to do, and this is going to be a stretch, I know, but it has to be done: disguise yourselves. That's right. In order not to be part of "The Crackdown" make sure you:
a.) hide your ride inside your apartment
b.) bathe
c.) buy one outfit that a normal person would wear
d.) wear said normal outfit
e.) take mass transit
f.) brush your teeth
g.) resist rolling your pantlegs
h.) bathe, again
i.) resist the habit of hollerin' 'on your left' while walking from the busstop

There are many more, but, my Beloved, you know what you have to do...

urchin said...

The NYT is reporting the guilty bike is a "Ross model." Not much to go on there, but it certainly makes the dumpster detail more interesting. A Ross in 'good condition' might have made the Snob think twice about yesterday's reported Bridgestone purchase.

AnnaZed said...

From the Times:
"The bicycle is a Ross model, blue in color and in “fairly” good shape, said one law enforcement official."

Sorry, but WTF is that?

AnnaZed said...

Didn't they stop making them in like 1990?

BikeSnobNYC said...

AnnaZed,

I'm glad he specified it was blue "in color." Otherwise I might have thought it was blue in spirit.

Commiecanuk,

Your Grant Petersen theory intrigues me.

--BSNYC

AnnaZed said...

Maybe it's this one and they could trace it:

http://tinyurl.com/26gtcm

Ok, I have to much time on my hands, I just lost my job.

Anonymous said...

The funniest gleeful lady in the new balance pick is the old one in the middle with the black sneakers and the long Trudy Wiegel femurs - compare them to the girl on her left. A study in contrasts.

Speaking of which, I think the only law enforcement agency adept enought at catching the times square bomber is the reno sheriffs dept.

Anonymous said...

seriously bike snob, it was american soldiers who were attacked. that is in no way funny. having been a recruiter there were more than a few times when we were in the station at that hour, usually taking young Americans to enlist. the chances of that bomb injuring innocent people instead of merely damaging property are possible.

and yes, i do get the snob's humor before you all pile on.

Cameron said...

According to the NY Post:

Yesterday's bomber rode a blue Ross 10-speed, which was later recovered in a trash bin on Madison Avenue at East 38th Street after construction workers found it and took it for a joyride.

Silly workers, bikes are for bombers!

Anonymous said...

seems we haven't heard from noah whitaker lately. wasn't he the "genius" behind the camera. as soon as the film blows up on you tube we'll know fo' sure!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:29pm,

Thanks for your comment. I only meant to make fun of the bomber, not laugh at our soldiers or at the possibility of people being hurt. I figure someone stupid enough to do something like this is a fair target for ridicule. Certainly if anyone had been hurt it would have been a different story. Fortunately though the only thing he would up attacking was common sense.

In any case, I wanted to reply to your comment because I do respect your reasons for not being amused.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Snob,

thanks for your response. while i knew it was not an intentional comment nontheless i felt compelled to point the possibility of injury for anyone inproximity to this idiot.

i still think it is michael balls.

Anonymous said...

on the 10 speed issue :

shitano race components have "10 speed" stamped on them

Anonymous said...

I haven't been paying much attention. Are McCain and McCheese different people?

Anonymous said...

woogie, woogie

Anonymous said...

glad to see Leroy's only posting once a day.

Where's Sgt. Slaughter these days, I enjoyed his rants at upperclass

...speaking of which where is upperclass?

....and where is woogie! Need my dose of woogiedom.

urchin said...

The bike photo is up. Our worst fears are confirmed: it's conspicuously vintage.

http://tinyurl.com/26jyrw

leroy said...

Anon 3:29 --

As usual, BSNYC was swifter than me (in more than one sense of the word) and replied to you before I could make a similar response.

But I want to add, that this was pretty obviously an attack on a building.

Whether it was also meant as a deliberate attack on U.S. soldiers as well seems doubtful, but none of us can really know that until the loon who did this is caught.

No one would suggest it wasn't stupid and reckless. If anyone had been injured, none of us would think that funny.

I've now ridden past the recruiting station twice (it's on my commute) and my impression is that it's no Ground Zero.

I rode by Ground Zero last night (I was riding the length of Manhattan before heading to Brooklyn). It's still a very large hole in the ground.

Having experienced 9/11 up close and personal, it seems to me that the Times Square brouhaha is more in the nature of douche-baggery than disaster.

But that's just my humble opinion. Reasonable minds can differ.

I too respect your reasons for not being amused even if I don't quite share them.

leroy said...

Anon 4:09

Woogie, woogie.

Happy now?

AnnaZed said...

Maybe this frame (new h'bars, seat etc)?:

http://tinyurl.com/ynoj9b

And yup, that is a one piece crank in that NYTimes pic - sweet ride! No wonder he threw it away.

Anonymous said...

leroy,

it's always "just" d-baggery until someone gets hurt. the problem is, you just can't predict who will get hurt. it is the nature of these attacks and "intentions" do little good after the fact. luckily, nobody got hurt this time. my point is that based on normal work routine there was a possibility that someone could have been in the station at the time of attack. you can disagree, its only my point of view.

Anonymous said...

"Police Looking at Canada Border Stop for Bombing Clues" ABC News

....hmmmm Who do we know from there ???
Who knew Ross was so popular ?
Who knew construction workers could qualify for a LBS job ?

Enquiring minds wnat to know

agentdetroit said...

annazed

if they're gettin' $130 for that p.o.s., we must be millionaires!

http://flickr.com/photos/agentdetroit/454817309/

Anonymous said...

leroyDex anyone?

leroy said...

Anon 5:01

Absolutely!

Who wants to bet what it will be?

AnnaZed said...

Actually agentdetroit since I have nothing but time on my hands I emailed him and he still has the bike ergo he is neither a millionare or the bomber.

Daniel! said...

leroyDex anyone?

Who wants to bet what it will be?

It's unwise to bet on the LeroyDex, which is a wimpy .48 right now (meaning BSNYC got in slightly more than two words for each of yours, Leroy.) But the night is young! If BSNYC is done for the day and Leroy can add 252 words' worth of comments, his output will have surpassed the Snob's.

Schrödinger said...

Hello Anonymous former recruiter with concerns about the Snob's choice of subject today.
I believe you have failed to fully grasp that in this particular situation, despite all the post-explosion outcomes that may have been possible prior to the explosion actually happening, and accepting that for any given event, the vast potential pool of possible outcomes "pre-event" must collapse down to the single actual outcome "post-event", a common and widely accepted idea, I want to stress two key facts...

1) Nobody was in the building
2) Nobody was injured

Which most here will agree is a good thing. So, given these two facts, it seems a little douche-bag-like to scold the Snob and others here for making fun of something that did happen, because you think that something else that did not happen would not have been funny.

Thanks and I will take my answer off the air...

Anonymous said...

schroeder,

BSNYC already replied over 3 hours ago. that was poor teutonic efficiency. the horse is dead!(metaphorically of course)you can stop beating it now. unless of course your purpose is to hear yourself talk. then you have all weekend. enjoy!

snoopy (ww1 recuiting ace)

Anonymous said...

KRM for president! Good stuff: made me spew PBR from my eyeball, somehow. Please list your blog; I'll read it.

leroy said...

Anon 8:23 --

You could accuse Mr. Schrodinger of being a sadistic, bestial necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

On the other hand, it's okay to beat a dead horse; they don't feel it.

(Dang, ain't no way that this is the night the leroy-dex hits 1.00.)

Anonymous said...

leroy,

you just may be right. the alpacalypse may be well neigh!

my cells are buzzing. i think i'm having snob withdrawl.

i guess that i'll just have to watch bass fishing all week.

Anonymous said...

Bring the war home!

techb3 said...

i love that interview. i taped all the parts on youtube and edited them together. you can buy the hour long interview at http://www.techb3.com!

Splic said...

This just in! Man with a beard attacks old woman and steals purse.

I repeat, a man with a beard.

While we're not sure if it has any connection with the rape of 1987, we are investigating other beard-related cases.

Old women across the country are advised to be on alert.

Nick M said...

Sounds to me like a fixie freak 14bar inflated a sewup on a craiglist bike, got desperate to take a leak 'n whilst he was peeing the tire blew. In all likelyhood the note found was part of an aborted attack went wrong when the tire blew and the kamikaze nutter had a heart attack. So in fact, craiglist just saved your country.

Anonymous said...

that is quite a list of demands. LOL
spam killer link, don't click it

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