Thursday, April 17, 2008

From The BSNYC News Desk: Shorts, Not Briefs

As the riding and racing season shifts into the big ring there’s a lot happening in the world of cycling. And when it comes to cycling-related news, I try to stay at the front of the pack. Following are some important developments of which I think you should be aware as well, so hop on my wheel and read on.

First, in the self-aggrandizing department, I’m proud to announce that I’ve been quoted in the current issue of VeloNews:




Naturally I’m honored, but unfortunately the honor is bittersweet. (If that’s even possible for an honor.) Like many politicians and public figures, my words were taken out of context, and were shrewdly manipulated by VeloNews in order to change the meaning and cast me in a bad light. They actually left out the entire second half of the quote, which was: “Furthermore, I don’t see why people make such a big deal about pedophilia anyway. RTMS is bigger than Jesus.” Had they simply left that in, I wouldn’t have looked like such an idiot.

Moving on, also in VeloNews, I noticed Cannondale’s latest ad campaign (click here for legible text):






Basically, Specialized apparently attempted to poach Cannondale's engineers in the wake of the Dorel acquisition. So Cannondale has turned it around on them, the insinuation being that this proves even their biggest competitor recognizes Cannondale’s superiority.

Of course, the email in the ad doesn’t specify what positions Specialized was actually looking to fill. There very well may be some text that was edited out of that email which would change the implications drastically:

Positions We’re Looking to Fill

--Warehouse Sweepers
--Specialized Angels (must have own thong)
--Personal Foot Masseuse to Mike Sinyard
--Zertz Inserter
--Tom Boonen Punster
(The Tom Boonen Punster will be responsible for coming up with clever puns—or "Boon Mots," if you will—about Specialized athlete Tom Boonen for our ad campaigns. If you can come up with something as clever as “The Tominator,” you’ll be a boon to our team! Paris-Roubaix-based puns such as “Yeah, Roux-baby!” are also acceptable. “Boner”-related puns however are unacceptable, especially ones like “
Bonin’ Boonen Pops Top Too Soon.” I wish people would stop emailing us that.)

Lastly, I recently noticed the following internet advertisement for the Lowe’s chain of stores:




Apart from the fact that that’s a pretty good price for carpet installation, at first glance it seems pretty unremarkable. Moreover, it has absolutely nothing to do with cycling. Or does it? Take a closer look:


I’ll be damned if that isn’t Rock Racing’s Fred “Fast Freddie” Rodriguez laying down some shag. Despite the recent news that the beleaguered Rock Racing will get to ride in the Tour of Georgia after all, the fact that Rodriguez is moonlighting as either a male model or an actual carpet installation technician does not bode well for the future of the team. In search of further clues, I visited Fast Freddie’s own website, but the only thing I learned is that he is “very excited about my new team for 2005.”

93 comments:

Wreck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

podium

Anonymous said...

does that mean I'm first?

hopeful smartypants said...

Do'h! Podium by default?

Anonymous said...

4th>> yes!!

g said...

i guess since he spends so much time on the ground, the transition to laying carpet is an easy one.

Anonymous said...

top ten third day in a row!

Cameron said...

Second top 10 in two weeks! I'm feeling my mid-season form already!

ZiP said...

top 30

AnnaZed said...

That Cannondale ad is tacky, tacky, tacky - and a tad desperate methinks.

I'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

not in the money

O' Bama said...

fail

dopepedaler said...

As a person of low self-esteem, I am simultaneously insulted and elated with your VeloNews quote.

Obligatory Boonen pun: Cavendish scores some Boon-tang.

Origamikid said...

Not to mention that Fast Freddy looks like he is doing a trackstand in the Lowes commercial (before the reveal). I honestly thought that's where you were going with that.

Jewbeard said...

It's funny how so many of C-dales ads involve trying to debase Specialized. Get over it Cannondale.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Origamikid,

Amazing, I hadn't even noticed! I suppose subconsciously though it's why I associated him with Fast Freddie rather than Liev Schriever.

--BSNYC

M. Weed said...

l0lz0rzz!!1111

Scott said...

I'm curious as to what C-Dale's actually attempting with that ad. Are they saying Bethel, CT is better than Morgan Hill, CA? That Cannondale employess don't like bagels?

I guess my main question is, what about that ad is supposed to make me want to sell my Stumpjumper and buy a Scalpel?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Scott,

Excellent point.

If Specialized were so really that hot on Cannondale they could have just bought it.

--BSNYC

g said...

I suppose it's just a matter of time before the brain trust that is the Cannondale marketing department comes up with a "got 'dale?" campaign. given the company's recent finacial situation, i think they are right on the money.

Cameron said...

Freddy Again!

And Again

Not Freddy

sd said...

The Cannondale ad is no less tacky than Specialized poaching their engineers like pacific salmon. Crap, it's not half as tacky as that leakygas bike.

Anonymous said...

Yeah Specialized knows that after a couple of years working for cannondale, almost any en
gineer will be willing to jump ship. Even when receiving a plainly generic email that is about as personal as the "congratulations you have won a cruise in the caribbean" phone calls i get.

Did all the "engineers" at cannondale get the email? Or are some now aware that they are destined to fill the rest of they days being traded around the financial world like party favours.
Pacific next....

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mr. Snob, hate to burst your bubble, but being quoted on the same page as the memorable "...but I definitely had to go number two..." is sort of a dubious honor.

wishiwasmerckx said...

P.S., where is Commiecanuck's refurbished shitcloset when you really need it?

BikeSnobNYC said...

wishiwasmerckx,

Yes, notice I made sure not to crop that out.

--BSNYC

mander said...

*Sigh* Pass

stack-up said...

Do all of Cannondale's computers have "cannondale made in america" decals on them?

tontsa said...

I was 100% sure he was commiting oh so fashionable inhouse-trackstand. like
this

leroy said...

Oh dear. I was just about to sell a kidney on the black market in order to purchase a Tarmac.

But now I don't know.

I mean, we can't have just anybody inserting zertz inserts 'til it hurts bereft of certs on an assembly line like the one in that I Love Lucy classic with Ethel Mertz.

(Where's Cogsextreme when you need him?)

RTMS -- you've been on a roll lately. You're always good, but these past few have been phenomenal.

Anonymous said...

Another brilliant post... LOL!! Thanks RTMS!

erik k said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AnnaZed said...

Ahem ... erik .. that link lead nowhere.

quaffimodo said...

Has anybody said "Poonen" yet?

mr.complaint said...

Leroy

You know it's poetry month. Not to be confused with pottery month, or potty mouth.

http://tinyurl.com/5muj5f

http://tinyurl.com/4vm6cl

Commiecanuk said...

I love how US bike companies have resorted to marketing strategies similar to US politics. First, there's the negative ads, where Litespeed attempts to berate carbon frames with the infamous "carbonello" stickers, forgetting somehow that they sold the carbon Pavia just a year sooner, and all their frames still have carbon forks. Kinda like Hilary Clinton now opposing NAFTA.

Then, there's the patriotic approach of "MAID IN THA USA" stickers, the cycling equivalent of "support the Troops", and people on forums showing pride in their Dura Ace or Record or SRAM "American-built" bike, when the other ~120 parts, the important stuff, aside from the frame are either made in Asia or Italy.

They conjure up images of Bruce Springsteen welding together a frame with a bald eagle on his shoulder while an apple pie cools on the window sill. Let the eagle soar, ...like it never has before.

Now the Cannondale attempted poaching, reminiscent of the Democrat's victory of recruiting Larry Craig to the dark side in that fateful Minnesota shit-closet.

Jim said...

FWIW, I think you're downing Canondale unfairly. All the engineers I know would kill for a chance to work at Canondale, Huffy, Pacific, Airborne, Royce Union & Magna, Incorporated. That specialized, with their lame Tom Boonen, and pathetic Paolo Bettini - what has he ever done - would think they stand a chance to lure away these talented souls makes me laugh. Such impertinence. Why, I cannot imagine the joy experienced by an engineer upon being told that his new role will involve fabricating $89 dual-suspension mountain bikes out of sheet metal, lead alloy, and new special chrome-plated plastic substance we call 'spasctic.' Yes, it would be the engineering challenge of a lifetime. To imply that any engineer would wish to leave this company is sheer insanity. You should stop fooling around with corporate news reporting and go back to being mocked by anonymous commenters.

/s
Mr. C. Anon Dale
York, PA

Commiecanuk said...

I think zertz inserts are made of spasctic.

Wouldn't it be cool if Specialized bought Zipp? Then we can have zertz and dimples finally in one package.

That would be cool.

Jim said...

Canuck, make no mistake, she doesn't oppose NAFTA on economic grounds. It's just that she hates hockey, TimHo, Poutine, and Canadians, all of which have made disturbing inroads in Upstate New York, the Upper Penninsula of Michigan, Northern Wisconsin, and Orlando, FL. We're talking a serious outbreak of good manners, lawful street crossing, white suburban comedians who appear unable to work blue, and people who have perfectly fine hearing but constantly say "eh?" regardless.

Of course the guy she's running against *says* he hates Canada, but then he sends his economist to the Canadian embassy to say it's just a trick he needed to use to nail down the Whitefish, Montana Chapter of the Ancient & Honorable Order of Right-Thinking People Who Hate All Things Canadian.

I wouldn't worry about it though. Neither of them is likely to be elected, because we see through them, and if there's one thing that the last 4 years have taught us, it's that Americans *love* hockey and won't let anything, especially not economics, harm the game.

Ps. Do you think I should footnote all that, so they understand it?

Pedal Strike Force Agent Down said...

your "prohibitively expensive..." line was a good'n alright.

An old'n, but a good'n

Anonymous said...

O.K., so its a little off topic, but you just gave me an opening for one of my favourite jokes:
Q. Why do Canadians like to do it doggie-style?
A. So they can both watch the hockey game on the telly.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 1:43pm...that's not a joke, dumbass...especially during the play-offs...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

"Rock Racing, laying it fast and loose."

or

"Rock Racing, we stretch everything we lay..."

Commiecanuk said...

Jim, upstate NY has big problem with drive-by shootings by those Canadians, you can tell because they lightly yell, "excuse us, we are going to break a cap in your ass, please", and they are using staplers.

Hockey is the WWF on ice. Tim Horton's has used the same coffee grounds since Tim Horton was alive, and poutine is pretty much what the vomit behind a Wendy's looks like.

Hell, the closest thing we have to Rush Limbaugh is Don Cherry.
Let her declare war, "...surrender pronto, or we bomb Toronto."

Anonymous said...

telly? wrong country.

BellaCroix said...

Specialized Angel applicants: please forward an 8x10 headshot plus full color waist-up/bust along with 2 full length photographs (1 in lycra road/tri riding apparel and one swimsuit/lingerie photo - preferably in heels no shorter than 4") to BellaCroix. You will be contacted for additional photographs if, after review, we are insterested in additional poses, outfits, or nudes. Thank you for your interest in our company.

jeremy said...

Scott...
Thanks for the ammunition for the sales floor.

"Every Friday, the Specialized team goes outside to smell the roses, let the dogs out, chat it up and most importantly, feast on a buffet of bagels and cream cheese, fresh fruit and all the juice under the sun."

Whoa!

Martin Van Nostrand said...

corrected:

"Every Friday, the Specialized team goes outside to smell the fruit and juice, let the roses out, chat it up and most importantly, feast on a buffet of dogs, fresh bagels and all the cream cheese under the sun."

Strayhorn said...

Cannondale makes monitors now?

I thought making things other than bikes was what got them into trouble in the first place.

It's already annoying to have the Craigslist search pattern for "Cannondale" bring up ATVs and other dreck. Now it's going to bring up computer parts. ARRRGGGGG!

Anonymous said...

that's JJ Haedo not Freddy you racist snob, do all beaners look alike to you??

Anonymous said...

is it just me, or does the first picture of the guy laying the carpet look like the top half of a picture of anyone doing a track-stand?

JimmyNick said...

Better spokesmodel for this Lowe's ad: Vladimir Karpets.
Da.

Anonymous said...

you are so RAD! LOL the first post someone made they put thier hand up too soon, ahh no sprint for them DQ'd

come on podium sluts! give in ;-)

Joe

Anonymous said...

i prefer my cannondale engineers sunny side up or scrambled.

Wunderkind said...

This blog is back on track. That isn't a backhanded compliment, its just that I've felt a bit left behind amidst all the fixed gear pistadex willamsburg banter. The past few days have been golden and the roadies among us who woke up at 7am last sunday to watch roubaix on cycling.tv appreciate the return to your roots. Even though your rascally art friends on fixed gear bikes have made you famous, don't forget that we got you started.

much love.

Anonymous said...

I'm still wondering (sadly, I know) about the person who didn't have to boot but had to go number two in the bottom quote from VeloNews, strategically cut off, of course, to, ahem, build tension....

Anonymous said...

What we do know about Cannondale is that they are okay with employees answering private emails on company time.

Andy Pandy said...

If Cannondale are “Feeling It” and Fast Freddy is shagging it, then what in blue blazes Doreen is Lemond and Trek up to

Anonymous said...

sorry if it's old news, but folks should really check out the comically misplaced fixed gear hatred in the comments here:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/04/16/SPI11064U2.DTL

Cottered Crank said...

Hatred? Wow, I guess I'd better be careful around here. Did we read the same article, I wonder?

Hatred is a strong word.

For the record, I currently own two fixies and love to ride them. I don't really care what my neighbors think about what kind of bike I ride.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

''Bonin’ Boonen Pops Top Too Soon''

Bike Snob, you...you...you are my sunshine!

Anonymous said...

Cottered Crank:

Let me hold your hand through it:

My comment above had nothing to do with the comments here, or BSNYC's current post - which has nothing to do with FGs.

I linked an SFGate article about single speed MTBs. Not fixies.

The comments associated with that linked article are 60% anti-fixie-rage.

Hence the comments associated with the linked SFGate article are "comically misplaced".

Thanks for setting the record straight, though.

Anonymous said...

Damn, old link is busted - hence the confusion, I suppose.

Try this:

Single-minded cyclists have old-school cool

Cottered Crank said...

Apology accepted, Anon.

xRideVeganx said...

i just have to make an appearance and bring up something totally random but bike related.

THIS LINK: http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/615261203.html

ive been seeing a lot of track bikes on CL... is the track bike trend over? or is someone trying to profit from the track bike trend? either way, this is a really nice LeveL that i wouldnt pay that much for...

HTay said...

that carpet add looks more like a trackstanding fixed freestyler

http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/174/smtrackstand0vh.jpg

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