Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle: Weirdness


We all long for something. I think it's safe to say that, no matter how free from petty concerns some of us may be, each one of us has some deeper desire that compels us forward. Gandhi longed for a free India; Levi longed to ride (until his site was taken down); and the owner of the "All You Haters Suck My Balls" wheel longs for all you haters to suck his balls. Even inanimate objects can long for other inanimate objects, as you can see from the above photo which depicts a Schwinn longing for a Vespa. I'm sure the Schwinn's owner also longs to move from one dandyish mode of urban transport to another. If you've ever purchased a new bike you know that moment of excitement and anticipation when you move your saddlebag from your old bike to the new one. I imagine the Schwinn-to-Vespa transfer would be similar, except instead of a saddlebag you'd move a loaf of French bread or something.

I too long for something, and that is a world without stupid behavior. And recently, I made an important discovery, which is that while you can't change the world you can change your own perception of it. Certainly I can't eradicate stupidity from the Earth (if only because that would also involve eradicating myself), but I can keep myself from getting angry about that stupidity. This realization in turn brought me to a revelation: Stupidity minus Anger equals Weirdness. In other words, when I observe something inexplicable and get angry about it, I've observed something stupid. But when I observe something inexplicable and don't get angry, I've simply observed something weird. And weirdness is much easier to live with than stupidity.

Take for example this taxi, which stopped abruptly in front of me in the bike lane this morning in order to pick up a fare:

I failed to capture the fare before she disappeared into the taxi, but I will say she was blonde and she had probably been waiting for a minivan taxi for some time, as it's one of the few hailable vehicles in the city that could have accommodated her girth. While you'll note that there is some room left in the bike lane for me to pass, there's also a truck directly in front of the taxi. However, instead of getting angry, squeezing through, and verbally attacking the driver, I chose to simply stop and observe. Sure enough, what might have otherwise stricken me as stupid (a taxi stopping directly in front of me to pick up a fare almost as large as itself) simply appeared weird.


The second shot I took as I passed reveals the extent of the weirdness, since as you can see there was plenty of room for the taxi driver to let me pass and then pull up alongside the curb. (Sure, he would have been blocking a fire hydrant, but even if a fire were to suddenly break out would the city really be worse off for the loss of a restaurant called "Nooch?") Weird, then, that he would instead speed past me and suddenly stop, as if his large fare might suddenly flee like a frightened mammal of the plains. In fact, when he stopped for her the urgency with which he did so made me think he was going to leap out of the taxi and apprehend her with a net. In any case, he didn't seem to mind my photographing him, and he even waved to me as he drove off:


What a freaking weirdo.

There was other weirdness as well. These days, aggressive urban riding is in vogue, and I attribute this to the spate of fixed-gear movies featuring people riding in traffic (such as MASH, Macaframa, and the upcoming Empire). It is now de rigeur to weave heedlessly through traffic, and apparently it is a forfeiture of your masculinity to stop at a red light under any circumstances. (Though apparently you can salvage a bit of it by at least doing a trackstand at the light.)

Unfortunately, while many of these riders have the look down they don't have the ability to match. Lately, I've been getting stuck behind riders who have misjudged the distance between cars and been forced to stop. (It's a sad sight, really--like watching a cat get its head caught in a shoe or something.) I've also been finding myself literally being circled at red lights, since the people who can't trackstand just ride around and around instead. (Imagine being circled by a shark, but the shark's riding a Pista, wearing a u-lock holster, and looks mildly afraid instead of coolly detached.) And just this morning, I was riding behind either a messenger or some approximation of a messenger whose riding style had all the trappings of the urban daredevil--except for the speed. He couldn't have been going more than a few miles an hour, but he weaved unecessarily between cars and even skitched off a barely-moving van for a few moments. I would have gladly let him ride away from me, but it would have impossible to do so without stopping altogether. After he let go of the van, he swung his arm around and around exactly like Pete Townshend banging out a power chord (I'm not sure if this was to warn me of his turn or to rub my nose in the fact that he had just performed the world's slowest skitch) and headed west on an eastbound street. It was like watching someone clear a hopscotch course and then give you the finger.

But when it comes to weirdness, nobody outdoes the Opinionated Cyclist. A polarizing figure in the cycling world, the OC has recently taken to talking almost exclusively about me. To be completely honest, I find this very disappointing as I feel it is a tremendous waste of his prodigious talent. However, I also acknowledge he does have some legitimate concerns:

Now I'm not a journalist (this is a journalist), nor do I believe in patrolling comments, but I will go on record as saying that there's no evidence of which I'm aware that the OC has ever harmed a sex worker.

That said, in the spirit of the principles on which this great nation was founded (chief among those principles being the right of every American to purchase quality pre-built gazebos at discount prices) I refuse to censor comments. My advice to the OC is to ignore these groundless accusations. Better yet, instead of calling Jim (a.k.a. the Unholy Rouleur) "dumb," simply apply the "Stupidity minus Anger equals Weirdness" formula. If you don't get angry at Jim's comments you'll realize his claims are simply weird. And weird can even be funny. (If you're the sort of person who finds dead prostitute jokes funny, that is. And remember: this is America, and you're as free to choose which jokes to laugh at as you are free to choose which gazebo to buy.)

Rest assured, OC, I embrace you and all cyclists as my siblings. Truth be told, we're all a little weird in our own way.

Can I go back to bed now?

130 comments:

ant1 said...

ant1st!

chris said...

woot! 2d

Anonymous said...

Having one's balls sucked is truly a life-changing event. Don't knock it...

Anonymous said...

4th

Mongo Pusher said...

Just missed!

Anonymous said...

bah, top 10

bloodline said...

a prediction; as close a my finish in this saturday's cyclocross race

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Mongo Pusher said...

Embrase or embrace?

ant1 said...

So I was talking to some dude yesterday and he was telling me of this crazy night him and the OC had. I'm not going to quote him, for fear of misquoting him, but it went along the lines of the two of them were snorting their OCD meds when they decided to go out and pick up some male prostitutes. Not to harm them, mind you, just to have a little fun. After that, they rode their bikes to a pet shop to pick up some kittens to drown, which was fun for a while, but then they ran out of kittens, so they went home and raped an 80 year old woman. That guy is weird.

JDogg said...

Just out of the top 10.

Bill said...

can we just flood this section with comments about the Original Crotchmaven?

Anonymous said...

GAZZ ZEBO

ant1 said...

I hear the OC is actually a girl.

streepo said...

It is just weird that I haven't found Gazebo Depot before now.

ant1 said...

She's half way through her (his?) sex change.

Joe said...

maybe OC knows where the fixie kids are.

Anonymous said...

I prefer the gazebo factory outlet mall. OC shops there too.

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

One of your best...SO good.

joe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ant1 said...

Whenever I reload this page, I get to see my comment above all the others. For those of you who don't get the comments race, this is the feeling the rest of us are striving for. God I feel cool right now.

Jeff said...

I would like to make an intelligent comment but I am fixated on The Opinionated Cyclist's "faux paus"

Anonymous said...

after reliably posting in the comments section each day, jim finally gets some of the recognition he deserves.

in general, i'm a big fan of jims comments and think that what he says here is often better than what he posts on his own blog, which i wouldn't have found if he didnt. the same can be said of the OC who would have remained anonymous to me were it not for this blog.

so bravo jim, you've joined the ranks of Prolly and Leroy of comments to move from this section to a page one feature.

Bill said...

yeah, ant1, i meant to congratulate you, ant1st to the podium please.

OHSO CRAP

Anonymous said...

We had a gazebo in the town I moved to when I was young. All the metal heads/stoners would hang out there. Later in life, they would yell crap at us for wearing Misfits T shirts. They failed the irony test when Metallic came along and Hetfield (the prick) introduced them to the works of Glen 'the douche' Danzig.
Point? Not one really. Just BSNYC and OC have as much in common as Hetfield & Danzig. Actually, bad analogy. OC is a prick and a douche, so he has both his metal and horror rock bases covered.

Anonymous said...

baguette: LONG LOAF

ant1 said...

Thanks Bill. I it weren't for fans like you, I wouldn't be doing htis.

Anonymous said...

HAY MAW! HAY PAW! RIDE ON ONE O' THEM THAR FIXED GEARS BIKES

Slappy said...

Snob, I think that OC guy is a stalker. He probably fantasizes about raping and killing you.

That is weird!! Someone should kick that guys ass.

ant1 said...

slappy - I hear he likes that. He pays midgets to come over to his place and spank him.

Commiecanuk said...

Thank Jebus for weirdness on bikes. I knew a guy who had a whole re-enactment of the WWI battle of Vimy ridge on his bike, with epoxied soldiers and terrain, the Nazi's on the handlebar and stem were just picking off the Canadian troops on the downtube. War is hell.

You can't hide weirdness when riding, like some weirdo taking pictures of taxi cabs in NY, then rushing home to update his blog. Great stuff.

Hidden weirdness is what you have to worry about, and this is what cars do best..is that guy wearing pants? what is she saying? is she putting a gypsy curse on me? or singing along to Barry Manilow on the radio? Cars conceal freaks, which is why you NEVER hear about cycling serial killers or cycling child porn distributors. Notice the increased number of minivans with dark tinted rear windows? You don;t want to know what's going on. If that's van's rockin', don't go knockin', there's probably a lime jello cock fight in progress.

Cabs? those are just emergency covers for weirdness. You're walking along, feel like doing something weird, hail a cab and do it out of sight. That's the origin of that NYC cab smell.

All we do is dope, shave our legs and use ass lubricants, hardly weird.

Anonymous said...

anon1st!

Anonymous said...

OC is innocent!

INNO CENT

Anonymous said...

saddlebags are uncool. You should know this.

Stuggy said...

Yay! ant1 is truly "ant1st!" today!

Although I still love it when he's like, 53rd, and he still posts "ant1st!"

A day without ant1's "ant1st!" is like a day without... oh, I dunno, it would just suck.

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

The OC's ramblings are keenly reminiscent Mark David Chapman.

BSNYC-please be careful. The OC has been know to hurt prostitutes.

Anonymous said...

ted kaczynski, unibomber and cyclist...weird.

Anonymous said...

Weird how BSNYC described my masculinity loss and the continuing salvage operations at red lights and stop signs.

Uncanny.

Anon. 1:11

Haters, never mind anybody who likes me, simply refuse to suck my balls.
And I don't think I'd trust a hater not to do something cruel or harmful. That's what many haters do.

I dislike them intently.

fakenger said...

Since when is murdering hookers a bad thing?

red neckerson said...

i went down to the truck stop to by a case of blues and some trojans and there is a starbucks right next to it and damm those things are everwhere but i digest so i saw on a car parked in the starbucks this bumper sticker

now more than ever aubrey/maturin '08.

i never heard of these people are they commies or librarians or what

ant1 said...

thanks stuggy. I usually feel more at home a couple dozen comments down, which makes the rare trip up to the podium all that more special (not in an OC kind of way, more like a Frilly's old pic kind of way).

fakenger said...

Speaking of loss of masculinity, What's up with the capri pants?

I saw one dude with pink rims on his green framed single speed outside of Barnes and Noble last night. I'm sure he is as manly as the come but seriously? Pink rims?

rmckittr said...

Snobby, you are potentially stirring up a pot of bees when you rile a weirdo like OC.
You had better take extra care to guard you anonymity.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I don't recall any scenes of people riding fixed gears in traffic in M*A*S*H. Who was it? Probably Trapper John or Hawkeye on leave in Tokyo on a wild bender. I do recall a scene from the TV series in which a drunken Hawkeye arrives in camp in a rickshaw (riding, not "driving").

Jim said...

Wow... I've been called a douchebag by the Opinionated Cyclist. That's like winning a free RTMS / Seal of Approval T-shirt, but without having to be a monotesticular 7 time TdF winner and former Olson Twin boyfriend first.

In fairness, if you're reading this OC (and I bet you're hitting refresh as I type), I am willing to freely and publicly admit that I have no direct, personal knowledge of the you murdering anybody, much less prostitutes. I want everybody to be clear that when I suggested that I had some concerns, I was speaking metaphorically because normal adjectives and my sense of seriousness failed me after watching the podcasts where you riffed on the wonders of masturbation and incest. I guess I should have just spoken directly and called it awfully creepy and possibly a bit sociopathic, rather than attempting to speak metaphorically and make a joke out of your affliction.

Got it OC? If you're offended by the joke, I take it back. From now on, I'll treat your tributes to self-pleasure and other topics with the seriousness they deserve. Likewise, I take back any implication that you may have been involved in, or likely to, cause the untimely demise or even the mere discomfiture of sex workers. I'm sure that sex workers feel perfectly secure and comfortable around you, and that they have every reason to.

I do, however, feel compelled to advise the that launching a video campaign to dog me out probably isn't doing a lot to lower the you're-creepin'-me-out factor, plus it's raising the Google profile of those scurillous suggestions, and giving my mediocre blog, published solely for my own satisfaction, more hits (and ad revenue) than it deserves. While you may be looking out for me here, I think if I really bug you, you should probably take the opposite approach, since your sending readers my way only makes me happy, and marginally (ever seen what Google Ad revenues actually amount to?) wealthier. I'm just sayin'.

fakenger said...

I heard OC likes to cover nude hookers with honey before impaling them on a short stake atop an anthill.

He then likes to slowly sip his expresso and munch on a baguette slathered in Nutella while delighting in the anguished moans of of his victim.

Kark said...

oh look, There's "O.C." desperately trying to attain the status of attention whore by trading on snobs name. kinda sad.

and freakish.

and weird.

..which brings to mind a question. If we are to swap 'stupid' for 'weird', does it not follow then that we should swap 'weird' for 'stupid'?

and if so, does that have any effect on the stupid weirdness that is O.C?

like, would he become weird stupidness instead?

mander said...

Bikesnob, excellent post, Bikesnob.

ant1 said...

There's no way the OC understands how good nutella is. He probably uses vegemite instead.

wishiwasmerckx said...

The Gazebo Depot offers Pergolas for sale, but not Palapas. I do not know whether this is stupid, or just wierd.

joey said...

OC denies killing hookers, film at 11.

Critical Ass said...

There are probably no prostitutes where the OC lives. Plenty of farm animals, though.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, sometimes after an especially long ride, my Nooch feels like it is on fire, too. I rub some aloe creme on it, and it usually feels a lot better.

Commiecanuk said...

agreed. Nutella is not weird, Vegemite is weird, Marmite is even weirder.

Jim, watch your back, if you get any RPGs that are actually potatoes fired through your windows, you know OC has your number.

typo: the Vimy ridge re-enactment bike did not include Nazis, only der Kaiser's troops. I was confusing that bike with the Battle of Dieppe bike. (ok, I'll just pretend you give a shit).

red neckerson said...

dont hurt no hooker unless you dont mind touching bloodworms yourself

why is it you yankees try to pretened you know something about fishing

Marrock said...

It looks more to me like the OC wants to kill you and wear your skin.

Best watch yourself out there, RTMS.

JPB said...

Fakenger,
There's no "x" in espresso!

Honeyed Hooker sounds tasty, though.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Granted, I do not live in NYC, but when I have visited, I have seen Turban-wearing cabbies leap out and apprehend unsuspecting fares with a net. Then, about ten other cabs pull up, and the winner takes the whole pool of money bet. I am glad Snob wrote of this curious phenomenon, as I have never seen another written reference to it.

nolucker said...

Snob, I know everyone's focused on the OC, but I have an honest question- did you take the photos of the cab while doing a track stand?

worm irks said...

Yesterday I was cerebrally simple, stupid, in the footsteps of Thoreau and Gandhi. Today I'm just plain weird.

Feels pretty much the same.

Ride on.

Matt! said...

I'm longing for more humor and less weirdness.

bloodline said...

if yr blogging you are one step away from being the OC, not to be a hypocrit i'm stopping reading, commenting or publishing any of my thoughts

Anonymous said...

>> now more than ever aubrey/maturin '08.

Sure, i was happy to vote for Obama at the time, but can I go back now and change my vote ?

Anonymous said...

DEAD SLUT

bikesgonewild said...

...whoa !!!...if i was jim, hookers in general or bsnyc/rtms (& maybe ant1 after today) i'd be lookin' over my shoulder for some incoming oc madness...

..like "it rubs the lotion on it's skin...it does this whenever it's told, or else..." kinda madness...

...that final oc quote was rather telling, "a lot of people have hinted that i am some sort of psycho lunatic and bikesnob, it concerns me that this has hindered you from embracing me fully as a brother in cycling - YOUR brother...don't listen to them, bikesnob, listen to me"...

...whoa, again !!!...that's more than a "recognize me !!!" cry of pain...that's a "don't you hurt my dog...you don't know what pain is", kinda line...

...first off, oc's need to be "fully embraced" by the bsnyc/rtms is ugly/ scary/ disturbing/ disconcrting, to say the least & it only goes up from there on the weird-o-meter...

...btw, snob...'do you feel hindered by people's hints' ???...

...anyway...you guys (& hookers) watch out for strange 'brush painted' yellow 'taxi-like' station wagons pulling up abruptly in front of you...i'd hate to see anyone playing chess from a pit in the basement (or even golf, while ankle chained in the backyard, for that matter)...

...this little tete-a-tete seems to be on-going & it does have a documented history, so watch 'the fuck' out...pressures building...

...just sayin'...

kale said...

The OC only kills hookers for the publicity, and the orgasms.

Anonymous said...

fucking a, this is the fucking bike snob.

Just Hammer said...

your formula embodies some good ol fashioned real life Alan Watts style zen'n.

Proper!

Anonymous said...

Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Snob, you make such an eloquest point when combined with this prayer; That the more wisdom you have, the more wierd the world will become. Remove the anger by accepting you cannot change the stupidity, and it just becomes wierd.

I only know this because it hung in my parents house all my life, I am not a god-freak, just a bike-freak.

Anonymous said...

Snob, you lost me me. What's "weird" about a cab pulling into the bike lane to pick up a fare? What's weird about being fat? The only issue/thing that's weird is the fact that you live in an imagined world where New York cab drivers "respect" those skinny (perfunctorily applied) white lines. What else is weird in New York? The tall buildings? Those wacky trains that run underground? You wag your finger at the dandies and posers and then testily whine about the naughty cabs. You're riding (living) like an undersexed schoolmarm. Perhaps if your balls were sucked once and a while it would take your mind of these petty transgressions of road etiquette.

fakenger said...

JPB,

You sir, are a typo nazi.

Anonymous said...

Marmite? Vegemite? Nah, the OC uses chamois creme for bread spread. But in his opinion, it has to be Assos of Switzerland as it is 100% natural and prevents fungal infections. He's quite sensitive for your average run off the mill baby rapist.

Anonymous said...

I thought people did trackstands because they were uncertain of their ability to get back into the clips.

Lucky 7 said...

Hmmmm...

A breakdown in the difference between weird and stupid is the exclusion of anger? You are disrupting evolutionary imperatives with that one, Snob, and I must disagree.

Consider that way back in the day, Opinionated Caveman used to fish in the stream with the yummiest fishes, but also with that 50 ft. long man-eating Paleo-gator. He was just STUPID, and as such his genetic evolution ended abruptly with a mighty CHOMP!, thus diminishing the chances for repeated stupidness of his variety down the evolutionary ladder. Unfortunately, stupid remains rampant and Modern OC still managed to blaze into existence through other genetic channels.

On the other hand, your predecessor, Wheelsnob Caveman City, was considered to be WEIRD by his Cro-mag counterparts, but NOT STUPID, which certainly would have evoked anger and gotten his head bashed in. It would seem that all those sarcastic cave drawing rants about the industry and practicality of modest animal skin wear and facial hair trimming while working the wheel soon found favor in numerous fashion-forward applications. These innovations, while at one time considered odd, ultimately proved viable by a marked reduction in beard rippings and wheel induced abrasions and dismemberments. Thus, weird became fundamentally sound.

Merely taking anger away from the appreciation of stupid does not equal weird. It equals apathy in the face of stupidity, and much as pride comes before the fall, is yet another harbinger of the coming alpacalips.

By the way, are you back on the Zoloft?


A

Bill said...

I wonder if that was the same posturer i saw on my park slope to manhattan commute who was stretching his quads while pedaling,one arm stetching one leg, kinda a yoga on wheels thing, going impressively slowly against traffic on tillary

Caaah said...

Funny you should bring up stupidity today--for today I've experienced the effects of prolonged exposure to stupidity.
While I was riding up that double-parking amusement park also called 6th Ave, I came upon two trucks and a car obstructing the bike lane. As I went to swing around them, I came upon a police officer! And no, he wasn't staring, non-plussed, in my general direction. He was actually writing the three vehicles tickets!!!
The sudden withdrawal of stupidity caused me to yell, "Thank you Thank you I LOVE YOU!!" as I passed the officer.
Thus, I have determined that stupidity should not be allowed to disappear. If that happened, and people just did what they are supposed to do, we would all just become babbling balls of love and appreciation. And that would just be weird.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:31pm,

It's not the buildings and the subways that are weird, it's what goes on inside them. All the palliative ball-sucking in the world won't change that.

--RTMS

Commiecanuk said...

BGW...OC on the weird-o-meter is somewhere between Greg Lemond, and the prison inmate who tried to sue Greg Lemond for allegedly building Lemond bikes with 12 year olds in Asia.

Commiecanuk said...

oh, I forgot my new signoff;

NNMS, Nick Nolte mug shot.

ice cube said...

Weird moments are something to behold. I watched a guy gently touch my seat, handlebars and top tube while he was on his cell phone one afternoon while I was eating lunch. I just watched in amazement from inside the restaurant.

perplexed said...

The end is near.

genersal lsmenedd said...

oh, the fixie kids?
they hang out at the gazebo.

genersal lsmenedd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...didja see that, anon 3:31pm...

...while you tried to "sonned" the snob w/ an effort that was "not so much", lucky 7 offered a brilliant counterpoint to the new zen-like direction & musings of our peripatetic on-line columnist...

...like a jeezus buddha on a bicycle...'cross the bridge & blissfully pedaling the mean streets of manhatten..."seek not anger nor the stupidity from their transgressions, oh my brothers, be they vehicular, sartorial or pedal related, but find peace from w/in & maybe rate 'em on the weird-o-meter"...ommm...ommmmmm...

...& commiecanuk...oc looks to be headed up the scale fast...pegged on full red, coming soon...

kale said...

Ice Cube 4:01-

That was me. I was waiting for you to turn your back before teabagging it.

Clancy Wiggum said...

How many gazebos do you she-males need?

opinionated cycl├ęste said...

Chess anyone?

And by chess I mean placenta... what do you think I meant?

Critical Ass said...

I can't wait for the weird-ass video response to all this crap.

ant1 said...

I really hope he mentions me by name.

By the way, it's pronounced "ant one" if you're wondering OC.

Anonymous said...

From http://www.mash4077.co.uk/profile.html

Named Hawkeye by his father, Dr. Daniel Pierce, after a character in the book "The Last of the Mohicans", he was born and raised in Crabapple Cove Maine. As a boy he worked at Ballinger's Drugstore making deliveries on his bicycle. He did his medical residency in Boston and it was here he first met Trapper John. While in Boston he lived with Carlye Breslin.

Lucky 7 said...

Opinionated Caveman, mine's pronounced "Luggy Seben", as if you had a snootfull.

Thanks BGW. Not sonned, just sayin, and respectfully at that...


A

Anonymous said...

congratulations, you have an internet nemesis. Can't wait for the first batch of cabron bikesnob prohibition buttons.

Gnarles Darwin said...

Somebody please get a gaurd detail on BSNYC/RTMS. I think OC is about to make a move on him.
Snob can still do his blog from an undisclosed location right? I read it from one.

leroy said...

Stupidity minus Anger = Weird?

Brilliant!

All now makes sense.

Two nights ago on Second Avenue I saw a car dart into the bike lane and side swipe a commuter.

The commuter fell off, but landed on his feet. Weird, notwithstanding that anger initially masked the weirdness.

(I can report, however, that if a commuter falls on Second Avenue, he does indeed make a sound even if the motorist pretends not to see him. The sound is an observation concerning the motorist's propensity to engage in sexual congress with a close maternal relation.)

Weirder still, yesterday morning on Kent Ave, a mini-van driver darted into the bike lane from a cross street as I approached, but then reversed and darted backwards just as fast.

Weird, huh?

(Can this really be called unorthodox behavior given the driver's orthodox apparel?)

I can't wait to see what happens tonight.

leroy said...

Note to OC:

When Jim suggests you cart around a shovel and bag of lime in your station wagon to dispose of sex workers you have murdered, he only means it in a nice sense.

He kids, he kids. But he does it with love.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ant 1, I always assumed that it was pronounced "Antoine," with you being French and all.

leroy said...

Note to Jim --

Ix-nay on the aiting-bay of OC. He may have gone off his eds-may.

Remember what Mr. Zevon wrote about another excitable boy:

"He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent.
Lately, he's been overheard in Mayfair.
Better stay away from him.
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim.
I'd like to meet his tailor."

And really, who hasn't wondered about OC's tailor?

Simon N said...

Hey Snob,

That's some "Zen and the Art of..." right there. Thought you were about to bust out some prose on climbing mountains and the edge of quality or something.

I can't speak for others, but MY erratic commuting style is a homage to your 0-60 performance.

ice cube said...

Kale,

I knew I shouldn't have left the window seat!! My bike has been a little different since it was...touched.

bikesgonewild said...

...sheesh...it's taking a oron-may (thanks for the tip, leroy...he'll never figure that stuff out) to bring out the best in us today...

kale said...

I would love to chip in on some tyres for the OC if he puts his shirt back on. His chest reminds me of the nekkid girl on the rollers enough to do that.

Just promise to sepia tone it if you post it.

Shine on you crazy diamond, OC.

Johnny Sprocket said...

There's nothing wrong with Vegemite. Us Aussies spread it on toast, our chamois', our girlfriends private parts, our bike chains.. it has a multitude of uses... all enjoyable. Nutella is for psychopathic, weirdos.!

Johnny Sprocket said...

Snob... I hope you don't have any grassy knolls or book depositories near where you live. I'd be looking over my shoulder if I was you. If he is indeed a KILLER, he won't think twice about digging out the Carcano and taking a few potshots at you !

Anonymous said...

Know what the biggest faux pas of all is? Spelling faux pas wrong.

kale said...

Bikesnob-

I'd not open any mail for a while if I were you.

Beware of weirdos that live in cabins and play golf.

leroy said...

Oh dear.

Mr. Sprocket -- I think we have misunderstood Mr. OC. (Bet that happens a lot.)

He came here to praise BSNYC, not to bury him.

Mr. OC has clearly captioned a frame of his his video with "Bikesnob -- irresponsible journalism AT BEST."

Well shucks, isn't one of modern life's guilty pleasures irresponsible journalism at its best?

And if it's irresponsible journalism you want, why wouldn't you want the best?

Mr. OC: I, for one, apologize. Sometimes I'm a little slow.

Just ask the radio cab that tailed me down Second Avenue tonight. He'd tell you just how slow I am.

He was honking to let me know he was drafting my wheel. Weird, huh?

Mark said...

What do fox paws have to do with cycling? This blog is getting weird.

tex said...

OC, you are guaranteed to get Snobby's attention if you start doing tricks on a fixie. Then there's always Craigslist. Just trying to help.

Andy Pandy said...

Lets face it… we all have an inner child waiting to get out ( cost me a lot of dollars and good riding time to find this out... ground breaking huh) and the OC’s inner child is fully outed and running wild and free. We all want to howl at the moon from time to time, some in their pj’s, some in a chicken suit, some like Red in his pick up with a skin full of sour mash. Embrace difference but not certifiable dribbling mad. Viva la difference but do not allow them sharp objects

Stevil said...

I love Jim more and more every day.

Jim said...

In a manly, Viking-like sort of way, Stevil.

Let's just be perfectly clear about that, 'kay?

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prattler said...

does anyone actually read OC? or watch OC? because having 28 views on youtube is about as close to a tree falling in the forest as it comes. clearly OC's plan to gaining a broader readership is heavily tilted on leveraging BSNYC's audience.

(i think matt drudge did this in the late 1990s but i can't remember a thing about how.)

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

I believe the OC has missed his calling. Wouldn't he make the best troll? This little corner of cyberspace would be such a good time if OC posted here.

bikesgonewild said...

...hell no, prattler...as in any case which crosses bsnyc/rtms's desk, that task is "out-sourced" to a family in india...relatives of mahatma gandhi, as it turns out...

...they give "the bikesnob research library" a written, edited, 'cliff notes' version w/ any salient points (ie: threats n' shit) highlighted...the 'video division' then further edits the the actual u-tube tape & passes that version on to 'bsnyc/rtms legal dept.'...

...if it's then decided that action needs be applied, a team of crack upscale attorneys surges into litigious pen waving...

...if none of that shit applies, snob posts a link & whoever draws the short straw will waste their time checking it out...& unfortunately we'll hear about it...

Yanqui said...

There's fishermen here too, Mr. Neckerson. I don't know if they know any thing about fishing or not, but they catch fish.

Maybe it's just luck. Or the tobacco tea. Or the voltage. Or the explosives.

Where there are fish there are fishermen.

And can have campfires on the water's surface in the winter.

mono_vs_stereo said...

The most commonly heard phrase in the basement of OC's mom's house, where he undoubtedly resides, must certainly be "It puts the Chamois Butt'r on its skin or it gets the hose again."

Anonymous said...

All you haters of the OC suck his balls.

Big Mike said...

I can't believe that a guy who lists his profession as dildo-buyer-for-his-mum is offended by a logical extension of that acute weirdness. Obviously his therapist still hasn't full dealt with the trauma he suffered during hell week.

Jim, remember I'm just around the corner if you need an extra 270 pounds of security.

Jacob said...

nice pictures

Jim said...

What Mike, you're going to lend me your left leg or something? You planning on going all HTFU on the boy? Do me a favor. If the OC dares you to cut off your own ear, just don't do it, alright? Otherwise, you'll end up a recurring Ronnie Johns character, and nobody wants that, least of all Chopper.

b. said...

i thought the OC was just a piece of shit, cheap ass, incredible, heap of ball cheese on TV. how the fuck did they get the budget to move it to you tube.

what a tosser. but that is fucking (weirdly) funny.

Wade said...

I would have to add to the aggressive, weaving fixie riders (and not only weaving in traffic, but weaving as they struggle to gain speed over bridges), fixie fetishists riding without lights and with both hands clamped next to each other in the center of the handlebars. I still don't understand the latter style. And still tons of people riding with no hands. and still no cycling lane traffic signals above 23rd Street on 9th Ave. And what's up with the cycling lane to nowhere on 2nd Street? It just ends. I know it has to because 2nd Street eventually turns into a one-way in the opposite direction, but there's a full block going eastward that isn't being utilized. And one last thing, the agressive riding on the Brooklyn Bridge has reached almost pathological levels, like the guy in the Audi who almost rode me off 6th Ave. this morning. But worse because they should know better. One cyclist passed me on the Brooklyn Bridge as I was yielding to a pedestrian and said, Run em down and I saw another fixed gear rider swat his hand at a tourist as he rode by. Another guy almost ran down a little girl who was obviously frightened by this brazen bomber! What is with these people?! What are they gaining, like a minute? Am I just a safety nerd, a rule loving dork?!! Perhaps I'm just too literal and don't understand the poetics of the street. Why does privilege make people so angry?

Lucky 7 said...

Wade,

Privilege makes some people angry because they are stupid.

Those of us who enjoy privilege without anger are just weird.


A

Anonymous said...

It must be hard to be as smart as you...what, with all the morons crawling around NYC for the sole purpose to annoy you.

Anonymous said...

People that insert text comments INTO youtube videos are douchbags.... I HATE that crap.....

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