Monday, May 4, 2009

Battling Stereotypes: Staying Dry in a Storm of Conflict

Cycling can be a battle. If you race, you do battle with the course and with other riders. If you commute, you do battle with traffic. If you're a randonneur (or, in English, a "rando-nerd"), you do battle with fatigue and the elements. And if you're a recumbent cyclist, you do battle with common sense. For this reason, generally speaking we cyclists tend to be docile, peace-loving people when we're off the bike. Not only have we already fought our battles while riding, but we're also just tired. For this reason, I was disappointed to learn that I've been unwittingly entered into the "Battle of the Blogs:"


I don't know what the "Battle of the Blogs" is, but my best guess is it's some kind of battle involving blogs. I also don't really understand the point of fighting against other blogs, especially when those other blogs really have nothing to do with your own. My blog, as you've probably figured out by now, is about cycling, whereas Brooklyn Vegan is about music. Here's a recent entry featuring a picture of Pete Seeger, who is celebrating his 130th birthday:



Now, I don't know who is organizing this "battle," or what they expect will take place. Are we supposed to lay down the metaphorical linoleum and take turns breakdancing? I have no intention of fighting with any blogs (except possibly "The Climb," though I think Robert Mackey probably abandoned cycling shortly after his final post), and I especially have no interest in fighting with a music blog. Moreover, I'm assuming Brooklyn Vegan is a vegan blog (judging from both the name and the absence of recipes involving animal by-products), and vegans are supposed to be peace-loving people just like cyclists are, so they probably don't want to fight me either. (Of course, the meekest of all people are vegan cyclists, who can be beaten into submission with stalks of steamed asparagus.)

So in the spirit of peace, century-old folk singers, and limp asparagus, I'm turning the other pannier on this so-called "Battle of the Blogs," and so if for some reason you're inclined to vote I encourage you to vote for Brooklyn Vegan. Hopefully that will put an end to the cycle of virtual violence, these people will stop bothering me, and I can go back to having real altercations with actual people while I'm riding.

Speaking of asparagus, a reader was recently at a Whole Foods in some part of the world, where he spotted this compelling brake lever setup:



A SCMNABL (or "Single Centrally-Mounted Non-Aero Brake Lever") is a rare sight indeed and I'm very grateful to this reader for sharing it. If someone at Brooklyn Vegan is reading right now, I hope they can somehow get word of this to Pete Seeger, who would doubtless be inspired to write a song about it. (It wouldn't be too hard; he could just take "If I Had a Hammer" and replace the word "hammer" with "Single Centrally-Mounted Non-Aero Brake Lever.") And as if the SCMNABL weren't inspiring enough, it's clear from the photos that the rider also palps a complete set of "wheel eyebrows:"



While much has been made of the "fender debate," the truth is that when it comes to "fenguards" not everybody takes a side. Some people are perfectly happy to ride a fenderless bike in good weather, and to rub a bike with fenders when conditions are poor. (You can run, rub, or palp fenders, but under no circumstances can you "rock" them. "Rocking" fenders is like "slaying" asparagus, or like a vegan being hungry enough to eat a horse.) If you're one of these craven ambi-fenderous wafflers, you probably check the weather forecast frequently so you can decide which bike to ride, and here in New York City it looks like it's definitely going to be a wet week:



At this point, Monday and Tuesday look like they're both going to be "wheel eyebrow" days, though things might dry out a bit on Wednesday so there's a chance you may not need them by then. However, rain will return later in the week, so I'm issuing a Peter Gallagher Wheel Eyebrow Advisory for Thursday and Friday:


Trust me, a PGWEA is not something you want to take lightly. You may even want to put some "wheel eyebrows" on your Land Rover for good measure:


But while you certainly can't count on dry weather in spring, you can at least count on the bridges being free of snow and ice, which is why I've been able to suspend the BSNYC Bridge Report (sponsored by Ragtote). Even so, there are occasionally other types of hazards on the bridge, so if you're still feeling apprehensive before setting out you can always check the NYC Bridge Report on Twitter, apparently brought to you by Transportation Alternatives:

I opined on Friday that the "bike community" can't work together, but clearly I've been proven wrong. Not only is it reuniting people with their lost eyeglasses, but it's also helping its members thwart the law. I guess the truth is that the "bike community" can work together, as long as "working together" means reminding people of things that are completely obvious yet stopping short of telling them that they're being stupid. Yes, of course the NYPD is ticketing cyclists for running lights and riding on sidewalks. Of course unlocked bikes are getting stolen. Still, the indignity cyclists feel when their unlocked bikes get stolen is rivaled only by the rage they feel when they're ticketed for breaking the law. Maybe next the NYC Bridge Report can issue a "schluffing advisory," or else remind local cyclists that the Williamsburg Bridge continues to connect Manhattan and Brooklyn. (Though Transportation Alternatives reminds you that they "assume no responsibility" for the Bridge Report and that it is "wholly advisory in nature," so if you cross the Williamsburg Bridge and somehow wind up in Jersey, or if you don't see a "schluffing advisory" and then get arrested for Hasselbecking somebody because you thought it was safe to ride on the sidewalk that day, don't go crying to them.)

But while the "bike community" may not believe in personal responsibility (in the "bike community," cyclists are always right as long as they're wearing helmets), the "triathlon community" is beginning to demand some accountability from its members. A reader has forwarded me this scathing article, in which a triathlon coach berates triathletes for their poor bike-handling skills:


Frankly, I'm pleased to see that somebody from the triathlon community is finally addressing this problem out in the open. Surely, one day triathletes will be able to conquer the stereotype that they can't handle their bikes. Similarly, one day people who wear short shorts and mustaches will no longer be unfairly stereotyped as people who can fix bikes:



Guy in short shorts who fixed my bike chain in williamsburg (Somewhere near the Bedford Stop)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-05-02, 5:55PM EDT


I stereotyped you as someone who knows how to fix bikes because you had short shorts on and a mustache. Anyways, I feel really stupid doing this right now but you seemed interesting, so let me know if you remember me!


Actually, I'd never heard of this stereotype, but there must be some truth to it since it seems like the mustachioed person was in fact able to help the poster. I wonder if people with thick eyebrows can also fix bikes:



If so, I'd give mine to Peter Gallagher any day.

112 comments:

Chazu said...

Ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Cavendish!

Mental Yentl said...

Sweet Flora Menorah!

Oysh!

Anonymous said...

Third!

Anonymous said...

awww

Anonymous said...

Podium Yo!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

abelgus said...

podium (almost!)

Lantern Rouge said...

Nice eyebrows!

First comment and top 10!

mikeweb said...

top 10- Doh!

Ronsonic said...

Damn, not even the lead group.

Anonymous said...

Time for a smoke

Coltrane of excuses said...

took wrong turn to url & then keyboard jammrd or I wudda won

thad said...

BSNYC,

Just wanted to let you know that I've finished a new bike trail that is named in deference to this blog, NOBR AKES. I'll post a little video once it gets worn in and is running faster.

Anonymous said...

Vegan is a native American word meaning "Bad Hunter."

Luck E. Seven said...

DEPO me...


A

first said...

letle virde

Vaticdart said...

Maybe the poor tri rider in the picture did all his training on MUPs, so he's staying to the right expecting power walking stroller mommies to come around the corner three abreast.

How courteous of him. Maybe he'll figure out it's a race before it ends.

Chazu said...

My leadout of ant1 was successful.

I'm so spent from the effort, I'm just now crossing the line myself.

Bill said...

brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Fruits

mikeweb said...

Chazu is obviously the Sean Yates of lead-out men.

ringcycles said...

Perhaps big bushy eyebrows will be the new iconic moustache. I wait to see if hipsters rubbing brooks saddles will groom out Contador or Sastre-esque brows. You'll have to keep me posted.

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Justin said...

Where to vegetarian cyclists fit into the spectrum of docility? I'd like to think I could at least beat up the TRI dude with poor bike handling skills.

Anonymous said...

PALP XO-1

mikeweb said...

BTW, the battle of the blogs is currently BSNYC 95%, BV, 5%

Seanywonton said...

Fuck it, in that case I'm voting for snob!

You gotta take down that vegan like a velociraptor on a wounded protoceratops. It's just survival of the fittest.

Anonymous said...

I wanna see a grouch-off between bsnyc and paul huddle of multisports.com

wishiwasmerckx said...

Short shorts and moustaches? Sounds like the Village People are now working as freelance mobile bike mechanics. Let's do the fork in the garbage disposal!

Luck E. Seven said...

WIWM- Kinda gives "muffled laughter at the mount line" a whole new meaning.


A

mander said...

I voted for BSNYC, let's let nature take its course.

Anonymous said...

I think "Battle of the Blogs" is code for "gimmick to drive traffic to my unknown blog by associating myself with a well known, heavily trafficed one while trying to seem 'edgy'". Guerilla marketing at its best or worst depending on your perspective.

StratBrat said...

94% BSNYC, 4% Pete Seeger.

Shram said...

you're right, check out Gallagher's brows

Bill said...

Dear Cadence Athletes & Customers,

It is with heavy hearts that we announce the closing of the Cadence Cycling & Multisport Center in New York City at the end of business Sunday, May 17th. When we opened our original location in Philadelphia five years ago, Cadence set out to establish a new standard and a new direction for high-end products, world-class coaching and first-class customer service for cyclists and triathletes of all abilities. We're proud that business has grown every year in Philadelphia, but the New York City venue, which opened two years ago, was a victim of the economic downturn. Cadence's New York City location was specifically chosen to be in close proximity to the financial sector and investment banker clientele, which were hit the hardest in the global recession.

Closing was a very difficult decision to make as we fully believe in the Cadence concept and plan to grow it by opening additional locations in a more favorable economic climate. We created something that didn't previously exist thus we accomplished what we set out to do by building the finest cycling and multisport center in the world right here in New York City. We couldn't have done it without your loyal support. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Anonymous said...

That lovely example of a "SCMNABL" is from Chicago. I've had the pleasure of locking up next to it on multiple occasions. The pictures don't do it justice, it's much more idiotic in person.

Brian said...

What, no one has ever heard of Vegan Reich and the Hardline movement? There's some thugged out vegan's demonstrating their style who'll windmill you to death in the pit! Watch out!! Just plug in 'hardcore dancing' to your favorite search engine if you need to see just how your fate will be meted out at the hands of a vegan.

ice cube said...

Hardline eh? Isn't that a juggalo gang? Are you the guys that paint your faces and rap?

Anonymous said...

Floyd Landis on the day before the day.

Seanywonton said...

here's the weather report in audio form:


http://www.rhapsody.com/player?type=track&id=tra.12972790&remote=false&page=&pageregion=&guid=&from=&hasrhapx=false&__pcode=

Andrew said...

Anyone else notice Peter Gallagher looks like Cadel Evans?

http://www.cyclestrongman.com/wp-content/gallery/supporters/cadel-evans.jpg

g said...

Pete cries less, though.

red neckerson said...

riden a huffy

Anonymous said...

Well, at least we can all together celebrate Pete Seeger's 130th. Best wishes to Pete.

Gnarles Darwin said...

Todays forecast is...

"FNDR PALP"

Rantwick said...

Peter Gallagher Wheel Eyebrow Advisory... genius, man.

Jim N said...

Might seem silly to ride on the sidewalk on the Brooklyn side of the Williamsburg, but, as with other bridges, there is no way to get on or off the bridge without crossing the sidewalk. Do they expect everyone crossing on a bike to dismount and walk at each end of the bridge?
It's not even clear where the bridge walkway ends and the sidewalk begins (or so I would tell the judge).

Anonymous said...

I have been watching these tri-freak morons not know how to ride their bikes for over 20 years. You would think that they would want to put an end to the stereotype and get a clue. And the writer is absolutely right, it's the very basic stuff like starting, stopping and turning.

samh said...

Truly a "laugh out loud" day with the latest from Mr. Snobby.

stuggy said...

DQ, Chazu. (And I don't mean Dairy Queen.)

You can't misappropriate Ant1's first daily post of "ant1st!"

Every day, no matter what, that's his tagline for his first post of the day.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 4:38, in the women's triathalon at last year's Olympics, a competitor crashed her bike while running with it in the transition area. I fell off my chair laughing, and Commie predicted that synchronozed bike crashing would soon be recognized as an Olympic sport. Ah, good times.

red neckerson said...

i gots syncronozed onced but i gots treated and it went away

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I think I recognize that "Whole Foods." I shudder at the thought of that bike on my city's streets...

West Coast Vegans said...

Uhh... NYC vegans are not really vegan. You showed us some time ago:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wb8bAl1P-N0/SaQDn-r-4dI/AAAAAAAAGNw/7pOjo51hoEM/s400/boneshakers+%C2%BB+Menu.jpg

Cheese and Eggs are prohibited in a true vegan diet. Perhaps, they can claim to be vegetarian?

Oh well, I gotta go rock my fenders.

Anonymous said...

KARA GOUCHER IS HOTT!!!! and since I am a triathlete, does that mean I am not a cyclist??? Even if I ride 12,000 miles a year??

frilly said...

Stuggy!

I made my reservations for Philly over the weekend. Woohoo!

my salary is less than your bike... said...

so sorry to read that cadence was a "victim" of the financial times...
boo hoo.
you will not be missed.

Bill said...

funny that the times ran that article on them about a month ago. guess not enough bankers buying rapha

Johnny Sprocket said...

All you haters suck my SCMNABL !

Isolation Helmet said...

Hey Anonymous Tri-guy. No you are not a cyclist you are a swimriderun-alist. You do not cycle you just ride until you have to run. I noticed that you posted without a name so you are still to ashamed to actually have an identity on a cycling blog.

Happy Birthday, Pete said...

Happy birthday, Pete!

Seanywonton said...

It's sad to see Pete's getting so old, but i guess we're all on that track. One thing's for sure, that old geezer is cooler at 90 than most of us can ever hope to be.

Cheers Pete!

Pulverized Concepts said...

Pete, American communists' favorite apologist for Stalin. The vegan blog sucks somebody's balls.

himself said...

Greetings! I was extatic to see my bike on one of my favorite blogs (I ride the centrally mounted whatsit outside the whole foods in chicago, where I roast beans), and I would like to state that while your acronym is technically correct (and rather ingenious at that-bravo technobibble)-as the creator of that symetrical madness- I prefer the term UniBreak. Because it is more fantastical!
Cheerio!

davidsuperawesomedong said...

Cadence just announced they are closing the NYC shop. I guess the $3k Rapha tweed cycling jacket and their gaggle of Cervellos just weren't selling..

http://www.cadencecycling.com/news/?a=v&i=498

Anonymous said...

I'd shed a tear over that, but if I did it would get my $400, Rapha, merino, undershirt damp.

Anonymous said...

this blog has jumped the ant

You Know Who said...

Last Super
Speed Limit
http://joshsalik.blogspot.com
"The empty half of the glass is always at the top."

Anonymous said...

Clearly, Mr. Seeger's song would be
"If I had a Hummer" an ode to the SUV. Probably about a peace loving vegetarian from the 'burbs who has been reduced to a carless existence and waxes for the return of fossil fuel based mobility and trust fund stock dividends.

mono_vs_stereo said...

Fixed gear freestylers are this generation's rollerbladers. Think about it: horrible fashion involving bright colors and stupid pants, and easy tricks done on what basically amount to over-priced toys, not to mention typically horrid taste in music.

jolene said...

who is pete seger feler he looks like the ol guuy

Anonymous said...

The best bike mechanic I ever saw did have a mustache. But he wore black jeans.

Anonymous said...

The dead horse called.

Anonymous said...

"If I had a Hummer". At his age, that's the only type of "hummer" he's gonna get!

Anonymous said...

I have thick eyebrows and can sort-of fix bikes!!

Woe be unto me I do not wear short-shorts. Will Carhartt shorts suffice?

Anonymous said...

if it was investment banker clientele Cadence was after they should have opened a gay bathouse.

eda said...

買煙火,製造浪漫煙火小舖,101煙火,煙火小舖,煙火,仙女棒,沖天炮,勝利之花,甩炮,升空煙火,情趣用品,情趣,衣蝶情趣精品百貨,情趣用品衣蝶情趣,自慰套,飛機杯,充氣娃娃,AV女優,AV,電動按摩棒,按摩棒,G點,調情棒,後庭拉珠棒,跳蛋,變頻跳蛋,有線跳蛋,無線跳蛋,潤滑液,男女穿戴用品,穿戴用品,情趣內衣,性感內衣,情趣跳蛋,角色扮演,情趣角色扮演,丁字褲,情趣內褲,性感內褲,性感吊帶襪,網襪,性感網襪,T字褲,煙火批發,情趣禮品,情趣用品,成人用品,情趣商品,情趣內衣,情趣精品,情趣商品衣蝶成人貼圖

Anonymous said...

in all fairness... ticketing cyclists is comparable to ticketing jaywalkers. it doesn't happen 90% of the time, and when it does, it can anger people pretty quickly- regardless of whether they were actually breaking a law or not.

Simon N said...

BSNYC, as a vegan cyclist I can tell you that silken tofu would also do the trick.

Anonymous said...

I love bsnyc, I love Peter Gallagher, and I hate all the rain we've been having here, this post couldn't get any better!

Pete, whose birthday was five months ago.. said...

Thanks for the belated wishes!!

Hmmm... said...

Seems like a sly attempt to appear demure and shy but I think Snob just tricked all you people into voting for him while attempting to appear non-challant.

AH said...

Is it a stereotype if it's true?

g said...

It appears that there is still a lag between the coasts, but the story has cracked in Cali now:LA TIMESOr perhaps BSNYC is actually BSLA?

rookieroadracer said...

How did I miss that "the climb" post the first time around? Hysterical stuff. As for what he should try next, using nothing but money to experience it, I suggest motorcycle road racing. The more he spends, the faster he'll go, sure, but the more competetive a class he'll end up in. And there's no "I didn't get to train because my cat made me sneeze" excuses. I'd love to hear his writeup on that. Or, as the case may be, his dictation on that due to the broken wrists he suffered trying to catch himself as he was thrown off the bike. Eh, tomato, tomahto

kale said...

g-

Brooklyn Über Alles!

Anonymous said...

Day 1 of what looks to be endless drizzle, and I'm still happy about the 30 bucks I spent on fenders for my sh*tty fixed gear conversion "rain bike".

Anonymous said...

Blah blah blah Portland. Blah Blah Blah, Vancouver... blah blah blah.

Pam said...

Wish I had fenders, endless rain from Greenpoint to the upper Upper East Side made for a fun wet ride this morning. Surprisingly, the cabbies didn't seem to want to run me down - no complaints here.

Anonymous said...

Pam-

Fun wet rides are the last thing cabbies are thinking about running over.

Pam said...

Anonymous - perhaps that's why I saw far fewer guys out on the roads this morning than usual?

Bill said...

looking right....

Bill said...

looking left

Bill said...

where's my leadout? wes? ant1?

Udder said...

That single, center mounted brake on the Cannondale in front of Whole Foods is the latest from SRAM in their Unicorn line.

Paul Bowen said...

Well I voted for the Vegan but to no avail I fear - currently a 94/6 split in favour of snobbers.

ant1 said...

98

ant1 said...

98

ant1 said...

100

ant1 said...

ant101st

ant1 said...

I need to learn how to type/count.

Anonymous said...

Lame-

http://kba.tripod.com/slang.htm

Bill said...

damn bosses!!!!!

chapeau, ant1

CommieCanuck said...

Day late..dollar short.

Park tools part #PT-2333: clipon bike mechanic mustache and shorts kit. ...$78

Must be a NY thing, because anyone who walks up to you in Canada wearing shorts and a mustache in a park isn't looking to fix your bike, unless that's a euphemism for some type of gay sex.

And the center-mounted brake bike is owned by this guy.

Anonymous said...

thought u might enjoy this.the first step to knowing you have a problem isn't necessarily admitting to it:

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/1153311005.html

Anonymous said...

Tri riders' atrocious bike-handling skills are well deserved. As a road racer, I'm just happy they stay the hell out of monosport events. All they'd have to do is ride with other people sometimes and they'd all be better off.

綜廉 said...

搬家公司,搬家,搬家公司,清潔公司,搬家,搬家公司,清潔,日本料理,清潔,清潔公司,清潔,看護中心,胎毛筆,清潔公司,會計,公司登記,公司註冊,輕鋼架,搬家公司,月子中心,搬家公司,油漆,油漆工,油漆工程,輕鋼架天花板輕隔間,搬家

公司
,搬家公司,搬家,搬家公司,清潔公司,搬家,搬家公司,清潔,日本料理,清潔,清潔公司,清潔,看護中心,胎毛筆,清潔公司,會計,輕鋼架,搬家公司,月子中心,搬家公司,油漆,輕鋼架,輕隔間,天花板,搬家公司,貨運,貨運公司,網頁設計,網頁設計,網頁排名,SEO糖果批發批發商 泡麵批發罐頭批發飲料批發禮盒批發罐頭糖果批發批發商 泡麵批發罐頭批發飲料批發禮盒批發

罐頭桌椅出租 桌椅出租 桌椅租賃桌椅椅桌椅桌出租

Anonymous said...

I was sitting on the ground eating sushi and drinking a Sapporo right next to the SRAM Unicorn shortly after that picture was taken! What a coincidence. Aren't I strange? Who wants to touch me...

dinoibo said...

Sesli sohbet Sesli chat
Seslisohbet Seslichat
Sesli sohbet siteleri Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli Chat
Sohbet Sesli siteler
Sohbet siteleri Chat siteleri
Sohbet merkezi chat merkezi
Sesli merkezi sesli Sohbet merkezi
Sesli chat merkezi Sohbetmerkezi
Sesli Sohbet Sesli Chat
SesliSohbet Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli sohbet siteleri SesliChat
Sesli Sesli siteler
Seslimuhabbet sesli muhabbet
sesli sohbet sesli chat siteleri
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslisohbet seslichat
seslikent sesli kent
sesli sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli chat sesli chat siteleri
seslisohbet seslichat

Viagra Online said...

This is a superb column. I mean, Ever since I love this kind of stuff, which is related to bikes, I really enjoyed reading your wonderful blog. It is so curious to know that there are lots of curious affairs which are somehow related to bikes.
Regards to everyone
God bless you all!

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli sohbet seslisohbet
sohbet siteleri sesli chat siteleri
seslichat sesli chat
herkesburda herkes burda
sohbetmerkezi sohbetmerkezi