(This Obama-themed "tarck" bike is even more ironic now.)
As you've no doubt heard by now, the big local cycling-related news story yesterday was that the NYPD clipped and carted away hundreds of bicycles in downtown Manhattan, citing security concerns for President Barack Obama's speech at Cooper Union:
("Got another bomb here. Should I just throw it onto the truck with the rest of them?")
More specifically, it seems they suspected that the bicycles could potentially be "pipe bombs"--which, as one commenter on the afore-linked-to story wryly pointed out, is why they sent a bunch of officers in windbreakers instead of a bomb squad. Yes, I guess we've all been brainwashed by Hollywood--whereas movies like the "Hurt Locker" might lead you to believe that potentially explosive devices should be defused and disposed of by experts wearing armor, I guess in real life the safest course of action is to get a bunch of thick-necked people from Patchogue to hack away at the locks and then pile all the bombs onto a flatbed truck. (I wonder who an officer has to piss off to draw the "driving the truck full of possibly explosive bikes" detail. Really, if anybody should be upset about this, it should be the cops, whose lives are apparently worth less to the city than bomb robots.) Then again, I wasn't there, so for all I know the deadly bikes were all inspected by experts first, and then once they were deemed to be safe they were then cut and carted--which still doesn't make sense, since at that point they might as well just have left them there. In any case, I suspect someone somewhere just panicked at the possibility that something might explode near the President on his watch, since the whole operation has the finesse of a teenage stoner shoving his pot paraphernalia under the bed and desperately trying to clear the air with a copy of "Maxim" when he hears his parents coming home.
Speaking of things lacking finesse, I would like to remind you that my first book-related appearance (or BRA) will take place on May 1st at the Powerhouse Arena in Brooklyn, and since I've never addressed more than three people at a single time (yelling at Access-A-Ride vans doesn't count) I should be about as smooth as a Nü-Fred "palping" his first IRO:
Nevertheless, I very much hope you'll join me, if only to find out what a "bike lover's prize pack" is. (I hear this guy was using one when they caught him in flagrante velo.) Plus, I may even "sweeten the pot" with some additional stuff. (And by "sweetening the pot" I don't mean I'm going to be bringing a honey bear bong.) Also, this coming Monday, I'll be visiting the radio station WFMU:
If you had told me years ago that one day I would appear on the very same radio station as the guy from Voivod, I would never have believed you. (I also would have desperately tried clear the air with a Voivod album sleeve had you knocked first.)
In the meantime, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll receive
a bike lover's prize pack absolutely nothing but a sense of smug satisfaction, and if you're wrong you'll get to hang with the "Bike Headz."
Thank you very much for reading and for forwarding items, ride safe, and be sure to nurse that post-Earth Day smugness hangover. (I hear burning plastic shopping bags works wonders.)
1) "Help! Somebody call the NYPD!" Yes, Langster can indeed be used as a "velo-weapon."
2) Which of the following rides will not take place in Portland this weekend?
--"9 Feet High and Rising Ride" (a tall-bike-only ride with a 9-foot minimum)
--"Move By Bike" (riders help a local artist move)
--"Wanderlust Men's Cycling Ride (no women allowed)
--"Garden By Bike" (riders throw "seedballs" into vacant lots)
3) Fill in the blank: "FINGER ____"
4) In Berlin, what's the penalty for hurting a pedestrian while on your bicycle?
5) Why is Alexandre Vinokourov nonplussed?
(Math = Mental "Karate Hands")
6) "Snytace aero bars" + "Dur ace group" + "spinergy rims" + "Clipsless peddles" =________
--One (1) "epic" Softride
7) P-fars are sooo 19th century.
***Special Cliché-Themed Bonus Question***
"Stop and smell the _______:"