Friday, May 7, 2010

BSNYC Friday Fun Culture Summit!

If you're riding your bicycle today, you may be shocked to find things pretty much as you remember them being yesterday. This is remarkable considering the fact that the "Bike Culture Summit" took place last night, and sadly the only conclusion I can draw from this is that the summit did not, for all its promise, change the world of cycling irrevocably. Alas, gone are the days of the Constitutional Convention, and it would seem that a roomful of white people can no longer alter the course of history.

Arriving early at NYU's Wasserman Center Auditorium, I set about killing time by test-riding the Kona something-or-other that was to be given away in a raffle later that evening:

As I shifted across the cassette and gleefully rang the bell I accidentally wandered into a nest of students:

This glimpse of academia filled me with horrifying flashbacks of boredom and bad grades, and and so I returned to the relative safety of the world of bike dorkdom. Here are the legions of the nonplussed, waiting to listen to a bunch of bloviating:

The prologue to the "summit" was a comic short film which was also full of unironic sidewalk riding:

Then the actual "summit" part began, and it quickly devolved into statements-disguised-as-questions in which people aired their sundry grievances. (If you've ever lived in a co-op apartment building and attended a meeting, it was exactly like that, only the heated diatribes were about correct intersection behavior instead of where to put the fern in the lobby.) This is not to say that my fellow panelists David Herlihy and Caroline Samponaro are not smart and insightful people (they most certainly are) or that the audience members did not make excellent points (they did), or that I do not share many of these grievances (I do). It's just that it felt less like a "summit" than like the Streetsblog comments section come to life.

Still, I was honored to sit next to two people who are vastly more qualified than me, and I very much enjoyed meeting people and talking with them afterwards without stuff like hand-raising and microphones involved. Thank you to all who attended, and thanks also to all at Transportation Alternatives for having me and for organizing the event.

Anyway, after the "summit," I headed homeward and witnessed something truly remarkable. As I waited at a red light, I was shoaled by a young gentleman with visible tzitzit. He was soon joined by a young lady on a Surly Steamroller whose riding style evoked a foal's wobbly uncertainty of hoof. As she rolled to his side, he grabbed hold of her so that she could stay upright without removing her feet from the toe clips. Then, once no cars were in evidence, he took her arm and literally flung her madison style, after which he set himself in motion caught her, and subsequently passed her. Here they are shortly after the fling:

Presumably, they repeated this at every intersection, and I very nearly called TA and asked them to reconvene the "summit" so that we might discuss the ramifications of this bizarre and vexing behavior.

Speaking of being vexed, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see somebody who is not very mechanically astute evaluating a Walmart bicycle.

Thank you very much for reading and forwarding quizzly items, ride safe, and always be a "summit of one."

--BSNYC/RTMS






1) "These Fools Be _______:"






2) Fill in the blank: "Sam Wakeling covered 453.6 kilometers (281.85 miles) on a ________ in a 24-hour period at Aberystwyth, Wales, United Kingdom, from Sept. 29-30, 2007."

--Unicycle
--Pennyfarthing





(It's a pictogram.)

3) When I next visit Portland, I can expect to get:




(Straight chainline at expense of dish.)

3) Sugar has officially joined babies and milk as a unit of bicycle weight measurement.





(It's ironic 'cause his name's Beard but he doesn't have one.)

4) Which piece of ironic sports memorabilia is currently available on eBay?








6) Why is the owner of this "incredibly fast" recumbent bicycle selling it on Craigslist?

--He got a newer, faster one
--It is so incredibly fast that he simply cannot ride among uprights
--He's building up a Cinelli "MASH" and needs cash for Aerospokes
--He's through taking things lying down





7) Who is this?


***Emphatically Not-Safe-For-Work Buttock-Tattoo-Themed Bonus Question***


What does this emphatically not-safe-for-work buttock tattoo say?

89 comments:

Nogocyclist said...

I'm here

Nogocyclist said...

Podium?

Nogocyclist said...

Whatever

Anonymous said...

PODIUM

Anonymous said...

SIPS

Nogocyclist said...

Sweep

black dickerson said...

black dickerson

Anonymous said...

DAMNIT! What's up with that nogo?

Bad Lawyer said...

non-plussed

Anonymous said...

yeah, top ten

wp said...

how did i get up here...i read the damn thing.

Anonymous said...

well

debichan1a said...

yeah in the top 20.

thank you for our transaction on 18th st. my friends love trying to figure out the latin. lol. i will wear it with pride. thanks again snob.

dignan said...

top20

Anonymous said...

Boner City!

Anonymous said...

Yesterday while driving in West Haven, Ct I had to stop my car short as did the ten cars behind me and as a bicyclist road directly across the road in front of us (two lanes of cars)from the sidewalk, stopped at the yellow line turned back around and parked in the middle of the road to look down the street for a few minutes. This doesn't seem to fall into the category of "bike salmon" so would he be a "bike whale" beaching himself in front of traffic ? or "Critically short mass" ?

10,000 Aches said...

Back in the pack is better than DFL.

Stevil was harsh yesterday but caved under pressure and is apologetic today. Talk about a sell out (ha).

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Buffalo Bill said...

Today was definitely different from yesterday - it wasn't snowing!

Thanks for the friday pron rtms.

mikeweb said...

I'm a fool. Pity me.

Anonymous said...

Tuesday Night Tour Winnah!

wishiwasmerckx said...

I like my Wal-Mart bottom brackets just like I like my women, "totally chunky."

Gotta love Wal-Mart. Where else can you get a bike with 100 gears, no bearings in the hub and the chain on the wheel?

leroy said...

Isn't that always the way, once you get to the summit, it's all down hill.

Perfect score on the quiz (but I had to skip the bonus question for work).

Ride safe all!

David said...

Ironically, the Walmart guy appears to be riding in an unconsciously ironic manner. Ironically, I may be being ironic.
I'm going to ride my ironically ordinary bike now.

mikeweb said...

Boy howdy that Raleigh conversion sure has enough rear brake cable housing. Almost enough for 2 normal bikes.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Wishiwasmerckx,

I like when he points to the v-brakes and says dismissively, "These brakes are really complicated."

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

haggard

Anonymous said...

So, like, I just hover my cursor over the answers to see the link and never click.

Is that cheating? lazy? stupid?

Who said 'know theyself'?

I shall now ride my bike.

mikeweb said...

From the super fast recumbant listing:

I have decked this bike out with a full headlight system, a hydration pack behind the seat with remote tube, and even sealed the sides of the fairing with custom cut contour foam to cut wind resistance.

should read:

I have dorked this bike out with a full headlight system, a hydration pack behind the seat with remote tube, and even sealed the sides of the fairing with custom cut contour foam to cut wind resistance.

hillbilly said...

c'mon son

Anonymous said...

24 pounds for = a fixed, that's like 1,500 ball = bearings

Nogocyclist said...

Anonymous @12:37, I did not even plan to enter the podium race today. I came back from checking the mail, even read one of the bills and checked to see if Bike Snob had posted yet. It said 0 comments so I typed the first thing that came to my mind. Then I go carried away seeing no one had posted yet....

Or my other story is: I wanted Lexy all to myself.

Buffalo Bill: Snow???? It was almost 90 f here yesterday.

One point of interest on the Walmart bike is that it has flip flop hubs. The price of the hubs alone is close to the price of the bike. One could buy the bike, remove the hubs, put them on an old bike that is much cooler. They could then take the hubs from the old bike, put them on the Walmart bike and give the bike to an unsuspecting relative and they would think you just gave them a brand new bike you actually spent $149 on.

CommieCanuck said...

From the Youtube comments:

Dude, I hate it how my road bike has bearings in the hub. They like totally go wrong all the time and it really harshes my mellow.

I am glad my track bike doesn't have the problem of bearings. Without bearings to get in my way my like ride is totally like Zen.


oh, shut up.

Nogocyclist said...

Update on flip flop hubs. When I checked earlier on the price of flip flop hubs, they were about $170 dollars. I just rechecked and nashbar now sells them for $40. My idea of swapping the hubs last year would have been feasible. Now, not so smart.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I like my women like I like my v-brakes, "really complicated."

ringcycles said...

Who knew that Batman rocked a bat-bent. Or that Bruce Wayne pawns things on craigslist. Is Robin's recumbant available in a seperate listing? They should really be sold together.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I like my women like I like my postage stamps, with a face that looks like Eddy Merckx.

Koba said...

Thanks for defacing my book last night RTMS, even if you were insufficiently adenoidal.

That's my brown shirted right arm looking decidedly nonplussed under 'bloviating'.

Angry smug co-op meeting ftw! (It never ceases to amaze me the length people will go just to hear themselves in public spaces, or to acquire an ugly helmet)

leroy said...

Isn't putting a "bite me" tattoo under Eddy "The Cannibal" Merckx just asking for trouble?

Dave said...

100% on the quiz, even the bonus question. I may have been acting out my fantasies when I got that one.

3G said...

TXTN FOOL

I think I've listened to that bomb diggity track 50 times today, and, I laugh a little harder each time. Too freakin' funny.

I'm sure that pic of the uni-cycle dude is real, but, my internet "photoshop-ometer picture identifier" is off the charts. Just looks enhanced/fake to me, but, again, I'm sure it's real.

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, no, feels like a bike!"

Anonymous said...

Weather forecast for Minneapolis:
"Tonight
Rain and snow in the evening...then snow likely after midnight. Snow accumulation up to 1 inch. Lows around 35. North winds 10 to 15 mph."

It's freaking May. Fifty years is long enough to realize that this sh*t happens once in a while, but it's just so wrong.

I think I'll go ride my bike.

honkybucket said...

I've heard people make the claim that they just do the "hover over the answers to see the corresponding link" cheat thing before. This doesn't work on my system (have tried it using both firefox and IE) causing me to always get lots of wrong answers and watch the first few seconds of the wrong answer video many, many times (which is especially fun when it's music accompanied and has an obnoxious intro that gets burned into your head. I usually make my guess, then rush the cursor up to the "back" arrow to hear as little of the song as possible.)

Anonymous said...

"Alas, gone are the days of the Constitutional Convention, and it would seem that a roomful of white people can no longer alter the course of history."

Hmmnn..."Political jockeying has begun in Britain after Thursday's tight but inconclusive general election, with no party winning an outright parliamentary majority....The coming days will likely be filled with political negotiations to see who in the end forms the next government and who becomes prime minister."

oh, and how about Standard and Poor's credit ratings resulting in the collapse of some important stuff or another?

Nogocyclist said...

Anonymous@2:31, I would like to place an order for some of that snow..

Forecast in Mississippi: High 90, Low 60. It is too early in the year to already be getting this warm. Just how hot is it going to be in July and August around here?

jimmynuetron said...

BSNY Since the face got revealed this blog has lost all it's Snap Crackle Pop. Saw you face off and start over, bike culture not for SAIL!

frilly said...

wiwm, I was beginning to think we might be a match made in heaven until I got to the Merckx' face comment. Sorry, I'm just not that pretty.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Honeybucket, the "hover and cheat" method worked well for me until my computer crashed. When they reloaded the system, the "hover and cheat" option had mysteriously disappeared, and it hardly seems like an appropriate expenditure of time or treasure to get an IT guy to restore it.

ant1 said...

frilly - good one.

IT guy said...

To restore the 'hover and cheat' option in Internet Explorer:

In the menu, click on view | status bar.

Fred said...

I'm pretty sure Vito can handle any PDX thugs who might threaten the SnobSack.

Being vegan, they tire easily.

CommieCanuck said...

If you do not love speed and not being able to ride with anyone unless you are coasting, then forget having one of these.

He means:

BUY IF: you ride alone with your beard to and from work at Boeing

FORGET IT IF: going fast on a bike isn't for you, pussy.

CommieCanuck said...

To restore the 'hover and cheat' option in Internet Explorer:
In the menu, click on view | status bar.


Proof cyclists are justa buncha dopers.

sboles said...

I'm sorry, but I am still trying to get over "...has been on display hanging in the Cathedral ceiling of my living room" Was this the only bike hanging from the ceiling. Is there a whole "stable" hanging from the "Cathedral" ceiling? This guy brought a woman into the house with the living room where the recumbent bike hung from the ceiling and she married him? The mind is boggled. Lexy help me!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to say this post is the weakest in weeks.

What's your excuse, BS:
a) Tooth infection?
b) Spring allergies?
c) Not enough collaboration from teamates Spencer The Ironic Intern and Vito the Climbing Specialist Monkey?
d) Team mechanic's blunder?
e) Too much Internet pron?

db said...

BUY IF: you ride alone with your beard to and from work at Boeing

In Kansas City, it's Honeywell/AlliedSignal.

In the menu, click on view | status bar.

Same in Firefox.

Anonymous said...

Would you care commenting on this for you next posts, please?

John Leguizamo "saves the world" on a $100 mountain bike, no less:
http://edition.cnn.com/video/?/video/living/2010/05/05/leguizamo.cycling.cnn

leroy said...

Anon 3:55 --

Don't be sorry.

Just erase your bookmark.

That should take care of your pesky too much internet porn problem.

mikeweb said...

Cool, and he's even palping the rear wheelbrow.

@ 1:45 - yeah, but that wasn't a super fast 'bent all dorked out.

Anonymous said...

I expected the non-freewheelin' Dylan to blurt out, "For your health!" at the end of the video.

I love Brule's Rules.

wishiwasmerckx said...

IT guy, thanks. If I can ever return the favor, say like with some advice on the Dewey Decimal System, do not hesitate to ask.

BTW, how do I get the system to once again display the avatars (or whatever you call them) next to the commentor's name?

Fred said...

CC: you ride alone with your beard

That's the beauty part. With a beard, you never ride alone. It's like a favorite stuffed animal you wear on your face.

Nogocyclist said...

Click no instead of yes on do you want it delivered securely.

Who cares if these comments are secure or not anyway?

Amauri Lillo said...

man, I really enjoy the stuff you post here. I'm from Brazil and is quite difficult to get a copy of your book around here (mainly because we still rely on giant vessels to bring our monthly supply of manufactured products and speciaries from the other side of the atlantic), yet I'm trying!


greetings from a wild-jungle-inhabitant!

SanFranNan said...

Everybody knows the Iroquois wrote the US Constitution.

Anonymous said...

those fools be swervin is a classic. catchy, funny with or without the sound track and a truly insightful piece of social commentary. DeAndre Sims is a modern day will rogers. If i see people texting on thier bikes or while crossing the street, I like to ride straight at them and scream lookout when I'm about a foot away. the reaction is always priceless. It's the little things.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, look...a little momentary cooperation from google blogger pour moi...

...rather than waste/utilize the time/space to write something topical/absurdist/dumb, i wanna say quite simply thanks for the awesome welcoming comments yesterday...

...bsnyc/rtms has got his new high fallutin' printed journal out (of which i am a happy recipient) but that book shan't transcend this blogsite, in which he's created something that's surely gone beyond it's original intent/expectation...

...sorta like a kumbyah campfire & i was the warm recipient of some good tidings from that fire circle...

...honestly nice...

Anonymous said...

"bike dorkdom"

don't you mean bikedorm?

Anonymous said...

theres no bearings on that hub or anything!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Thanks nogo. I really do feel like the caveman smacking the computer with a club.

velobabe said...

unfortunately here in boulder a mix between a pedestrian and a female bike rider ended with her eventual death a week later. confusing facts, cause the daily camera doesn't have any. but coming down a hill and pedestrian walked out in front of her. also today another young bike rider got taken down on the rode by a large truck.
Eddy Merckx = lovely woman†
count down to the Gir0

Anonymous said...

Amauri,

Have you heard of Amazon (dot com, not the river)?

the MICHIGANSCENE said...

you want some REAL T come see me.

fierce panties said...

These fools be swerving.

Steroid Blog said...

first MB I had was a Kona the special edition with white paint splattered will multi colours, can't remeber what the model was.

den parser said...

How I wish I could ride a bike again after an accident.

Anonymous said...

Stumptown pictogram, nice touch. Although when I lived there we called it Puddletown. Stumptown is so 1840s.

ant1st said...

100th

cyclotourist said...

SWER VING

Stoked on Spokes said...

if you got kicked in the groin in Portland it'd be a passive-aggressive groin kick.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Dylan, you are fucking stupid. said...

NOOOO! The retards took their videos down. Now how am I going to know how a bicycle works?

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solid handle bars.