Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Weight of the World: Shouldering Burdens, Rationalizing Decisions

Cycling is more than the act of simply riding a bicycle. Also important is the way you handle and interact with your bicycle at those times when you are not riding it. For example, even the safest and most capable rider will lose his or her bicycle if he or she does not know how to lock it effectively. Also, we must occasionally maneuver or carry our bicycles while on foot--crowded sidewalks, elevators, and staircases are just a few places in which deft off-the-bicycle handling can be essential.

Cyclocrossers and the pretentious (in other words, everybody in Portland) refer to the act of lifting a bicycle in order to clear an obstacle as "portaging," but to the rest of the world it's simply "carrying." (Or, if you're a kosher cyclocrosser, you may "schlep" your bike over barriers and worry about whether your frame has adequate "schmutz clearance.") Whatever you call it, graceful off-the-bike bicycle handling is a hallmark of the seasoned cyclist. This is why it should come as no surprise that the Lone Wolf handles his bicycle with poise:

(Rare Lone Wolf bike portage, as photographed by a reader at the Tour of California)

Indeed, the Lone Wolf hoists and shoulders his Lotus as confidently and capably as Yo-Yo ma returns his cello to its case, or as a Benihana chef holsters his cutlery. Sure, this is not a "traditional" cyclocross "portage," but the "special occasion Lotus" is not a traditional bike, and the true cyclist knows to adapt his carrying technique to the individual characteristics of the frame. Most importantly, he has positioned the drivetrain away from him so as not to besmirch his Golden Fleece, and, as always (and as pointed out by a commenter yesterday), the USA logos are positioned more-or-less horizontally and legibly.

This considerable savoir portage on the part of the Lone Wolf is in stark contrast to the lack of refinement exhibited by the gentleman behind him:

Notice that he has positioned his bicycle lengthwise in front of him in what is known as the "stockade technique:"

(From the Iron Age to the Irony Age: The horrific punishments of yesteryear are the whimsical "photo-ops" of today.)

Obviously, the "stockade technique" is a poor one as requires the "portager" to turn sideways in order to pass through doorways or walk through crowds. Of course, upon closer inspection it looks as though this particular portager is actually in the act of photographing the Lone Wolf, and it could be that, in his excitement and haste, he allowed the bicycle to migrate in front of him. Still, it's doubtful that anything could compel the Lone Wolf's bicycle from changing direction, for it points forward as unerringly as the needle of the compass or the javelin of the olympian. Indeed, it slices through crowds like a red-hot razorblade through a scoop of cottage cheese, and should anybody be foolish enough to walk straight into it the Lone Wolf would undoubtedly lift him by the head with his aerobars and move him gently aside:

One might even ask whether the preternatural ease with which the Lone Wolf hoists his bicycle represents the hoisting of American competitive cycling to a level equal to--or perhaps even above--that of European cyclesport. I don't feel it's far-fetched to claim that the Lone Wolf is the very embodiment and spirit of the Tour of California, and I also think he's way, way better than that lame Tour de France devil guy:

One is a ham who inserts himself into the proceedings in an unrefined display of ego and self, whereas the other moves stealthily and ethereally, drawing attention not with garish garments and grotesque mannerisms, but rather with the very strength of his character. Or, to put it another way:

Alas, to be torn between the conflicting inner voices of self and selflessness is in many ways the basis of the human condition:

Speaking of doping, while the cycling world continues to pick at the finer points of the Floyd Landis Affair like obsessive nosepickers digitally spelunking in the darkest recesses of their sinuses, I find myself lamenting the state of our society. Really, regardless of whether or not you believe Landis's claims, what is at the heart of this whole doping issue anyway? Some tiny injections? The occasional blood transfusion? A testosterone patch applied surreptitiously to the "pants yabbies?" Really, in the context of human history, this barely qualifies as doping--it's "woosie" cheating. There was once a time when doping meant eating the heart of your dead enemy in order to gain his strength. There was once an age when, in pursuit of victory and power, men would conspire with the forces of darkness. They would form covens; attempt to summon demons; even commit human sacrifice. Correspondingly, the penalty for such "doping" was not suspension; it was torture and death. Men were burned; drawn and quartered; crucified; left to suffer and die of exposure as they slowly bled.

This age, of course, was the 1950s, and the UCI sentenced over 10,000 riders to death during this black period. It was also a time when fixed-gear riders didn't twiddle around on "woosie" gears; they used big, burly, hairy gears, like the 96-tooth chainring on this 1951 Schwinn that was forwarded to me by a reader:

Sadly, the auction for this bicycle has ended, for simply straddling such a bicycle would infuse the rider with more testosterone than a thousand Floyd Landis scrotal appliqués. It's also too late to win this ancient "cross frame:"

Expect to see the winner of the auction riding this ironically at this year's SSCXWC, and/or your local "tweed ride."

Anyway, in a certain sense has not this modern "woosie" doping infiltrated nearly every aspect of life? Certainly the doping cyclist is cheating, but what about the journalist who relies on Adderall in order to file his report on time or indeed even maintain interest in his subject? What of the incessant television commercials for drugs with soothing names that promise to assuage the mild anxiety we all feel (due largely to Adderall-fueled journalists relentlessly machine-gunning us with minutiae from every dark corner of the world) at the small expense of our regularity and sexual potency? Is the combination of drugs and the Internet not uniting all of humankind in a worldwide circle jerk of meaningless dialog and information consumption, while a well in the Gulf of Mexico hemorrhages oil and blankets us all in the sludge of our own indifference and self-absorption?

Well, maybe. But maybe we all have our own personal "breaking points," at which we all break down and "cheat." For the athlete, this might mean refreshing himself with a banned substance, and for the dedicated smug-monger this might mean (horror of horrors) using a car:

Yes, apparently the fact that it makes sense to use a motorized vehicle to move thousands of pounds is a newsworthy revelation over at Streetsblog. Rest assured, though, that the reluctant driver made absolutely, positively sure that driving was the right course of action before doing so, as he explains on his own blog:

Each 12 inch ceramic tile weighed 4 pounds and we needed 850 of them. That’s 3,400 lbs in tile alone. The floor project would also require about 12 bags of mortar at 50 pounds each. That brings the total weight of the project to 2 tons now— 4,000 pounds, before we even add the grout.

Of course, I calculated what it would take to carry all this on my bike. The tile alone would take 17 trips at 200 pounds per trip.

I decided cargo biking wasn’t practical for this job, but I still had the opportunity to have most of the material pass through my hands. I helped load and unload much of the 50 pounds bags of mortar, and two car-trailer loads of tile. By the end, I felt well acquinated with the full impact of 4,000 pounds. I could feel in my bones the amount of energy it took to move that material.

And for a least a moment, I appreciated cars for this. They were far better for carrying 2 tons of materials than a bike would be.


Obviously he makes a good point about how silly and wasteful it can be simply to transport yourself in an otherwise empty car over a short distance. At the same time, though, this is smugness doubling over on itself, and I can't help but be stunned by the amount of thought he puts into making a decision that, for pretty much anybody else, would be common sense. Is he really that guilt-ridden that he must demonstrate mathematically that it was OK for him to drive? Moreover, having driven, must he then take the additional step of pointing out how it was OK for him to drive in order to re-tile his floor, but that when everyone else drives they're wrong? ("I'm renovating my kitchen. Why are you driving?") Most importantly, did he wear a disguise while behind the wheel, or after running the numbers was he bold enough to risk being caught by his fellow "livable streets" advocates in flagrante automotivo?

Again, I certainly agree that many people could stand to put a bit more thought into their vehicle choice, though I don't think there's a person alive who could successfully rationalize purchasing this bicycle (which was forwarded to me by Colorado Multisport):

For $60,000, the least it could do is portage itself.

156 comments:

Shu-Sin said...

BIG BANG!

Anonymous said...

BILLY

Nogocyclist said...

Look out for the horse droppings at the finish line!

Name said...

topp 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

g said...

went hard yesterday, paid the price today...

Astroluc said...

GYNT CRNK

Shu-Sin said...

I thought about doing my much-rehearsed victory salute, but my lawyer advised me against it.

Anonymous said...

...and most of all I'd like to thank the hormones

ce

Anonymous said...

heavy.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Bad Lawyer said...

Top Two Hundred?

Paul Bowen said...

Top 12! Well, 12th.

Ronsonic said...

Packfill, again.

It is what I live for.

ant1 said...

snobby - "in pursuit of victory and powar"

Anonymous said...

top 20

mikeweb said...

I was busy sending a fax at the back of the peloton.

Nice nogo!

samh said...

Profound:

"Is the combination of drugs and the Internet not uniting all of humankind in a worldwide circle jerk of meaningless dialog and information consumption, while a well in the Gulf of Mexico hemorrhages oil and blankets us all in the sludge of our own indifference and self-absorption?"

hillbilly said...

The white shoes are really the Lone Wolf's coupe de grace, if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

samh: I have exactly the same quote on my pasteboard!

j0este1n said...

only hacks move construction materials by hand! doesn't surly make a "forklift trike"?

Paul Bowen said...

Is the Lone Wolf aware of his celebrity status?

Anonymous said...

I see the foundations for the Lance "woosie" argument being laid right now as we speak—way to stay on message, Eben.

Anonymous said...

a particularly eloquent one today snob.

"besmirch his golden fleece"
"digitally spelunking"

tehehe...

Bobby Booby said...

Note the stockage guy is wearing a helmet, while the Lone Wolf, Samson-like, refuses to let anything disturb his mane.

HAIR POWR

Stupid Name said...

People have seen the Lone wolf, taken pictures, and still no journalist has dared to write down his story?

You LA doucebags get to work. I bet there is a story worth hearing.

Rent a truck if you need to tile your apartment. It just makes more sense. That guy is just messing with us.

Anonymous said...

I guess smug cyclist in Indiana couldn't do without those 4,000 pounds of tile.

Nogocyclist said...

There is one fault in abandoning your bike for a car to transport building supplies. Almost all building supply stores offer delivery. He could have just got the store to deliver the tile and supplies.

Using the delivery service would be the equivalent of using public transportation. Even here in the South where we do not have readily available public transportation, we have building supply delivery. Cost would be way less than the cost of car payments, insurance, gas, and maintenance.

Disclaimer: I drive a car and don't feel guilty that I do.

Frank Eeckman said...

why renovate the kitchen in the first place? Isn't that the bigger environmental disaster right there?

Anonymous said...

the first great literature of the 2010's:

"Is the combination of drugs and the Internet not uniting all of humankind in a worldwide circle jerk of meaningless dialog and information consumption, while a well in the Gulf of Mexico hemorrhages oil and blankets us all in the sludge of our own indifference and self-absorption?"

Anonymous said...

What's the deal Snobber, are you scared of Lance ? I find it hard to believe that a principled chap like yourself has such ambivalent feelings about doping.

yofilly said...

HOLY CHAIN RING! You could cook a pizza on that thing.

Name said...

Anon 1:14,

How silly, or grudging and envious, one has to be to believe that LA needs help from Snob on handling any PR problems when he counts with the sympathy and endorsement of major corporations and major media outlets?

Name said...

PS: We all know Snob´s name, thanks.

Shaun said...

I bet the Lone Wolf could outfit the über-practical fixed-gear Lotus TT bike with an Xtracycle and make hauling that 4,000 pounds of floor materials look like child's play. Just sayin'...

Ronsonic said...

Paul Bowen said... "Is the Lone Wolf aware of his celebrity status?"

He is aware of his celebrity status in the way that the Sun is aware of astronomers. While it passes within his gaze, it is not a thing that affects him.

grog said...

common sense, what is that?
is lone wolf a relative?

Jefe said...

It goes without saying that you need to be doping in order to justify a purchase of a $60K bike, albeit not with the performance enhancing types of substances. Of course you still need to keep enough presence of mind to then purchase the optional $600 pedals.

ant1 said...

anon 1:25 - good point. is tile a renewable resource? i don't think they grow on trees. plus all that firing of clay has to be horrible for the environment. dude should have bamboo'd his floor. one man's 4000 pounds of tile is another man's 4000 pound SUV.

shoegazer said...

thanks for another great read snobbie!
@ronsonic - beautiful, so beautiful. lmao!

Anonymous said...

I hope Mark (or his significant bother) checked the floor supports to ensure that they can handle a 4000lb addition ... then again ... he could always use the cargo bike to go buy a ladder.

Paul said...

Did anyone else see the saddle on the Chrome Hearts bike? I'd be more comfortable on the dildo saddle than on this "Iron Cross" torture device.

http://racked.com/uploads/ChromeHeartsBike3.jpg

TJ Eckleburg said...

OK the dude taking the pic behind the lone wolf is Contador, right?

Visegripmikey said...

When the shit needs to be explained, there's got to be a spin company buried in it...

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/crime/article/813872--prosecutor-why-charges-against-bryant-were-dropped?bn=1

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:35pm,

Apathy would probably be a better word than ambivalence. We're talking about sports here, not anything important.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

If Mr. Stosberg is so worried about resources, he shouldn't have kids, unless the little girl on the back of his bike is adopted, therefore recycled.

ringcycles said...

The Chrome Hearts Bike is simply the Michael Ballification of a Cervelo P4. It even has the style we saw Rock Racing racers rock. Of course the Ballification would be incomplete with out he 10x price tag. Did you ever see the retail price for his rebranded giordana bib shorts?

Anonymous said...

How'd you manage to get to the grand opening of Mellow Johnnies Snob?

Thee Punk Rock Chef said...

Isn't the Lone Wolf really just Dick Dale? http://www.dickdale.com/images/ddstanding.jpg

g said...

Why is it that if one mentons Floyd and doping, you have to mention Armstrong, and not any of the other 63 or so people called out? Is doping by Letle Viride, DZNuts, Bridesmaid George et al, so inconsequential as to be moot? And, just for shits and grins, why is LeMond considered clean? Is it because he never tested positive, returned to the top of the sport after nearly dying and beat any number of riders (handily) while they were all obviously doping?
Just some things bothering me as of late.

ant1 said...

anon 2:27 - probably by plane.

ant1 said...

g - there is no room for logic when discussing doping and cycling. a lot like politics. you throw whatever crap you can find at the other side and act outraged when they try to throw the same crap back.

PhilboydStunge said...

I read somewhere that Lance Armstrong's girlfriend got pregnant just by watching the Lone Wolf portage his bike across the beach.

g said...

ant1,
Thank you for that. I really needed to get some perspective on this thing or just forget about it.

Is Anon 114,135,227 actually Floyd? Or is Kevin Ft Meyers back?

3G said...

Tshirt idea:

"I plotzed on the Kronplotz"

BikeSnobNYC said...

ant1,

After reading Streetsblog I considered my own bodyweight, the weight of my cargo, and the distance between New York and Austin. Then, after much deliberation and soul-searching, I decided that a hot air balloon would be the most socially responsible mode of transport. Still need to figure out how to go about the book tour, but leaning towards a covered wagon at this point.

Or, I may just drive the whole thing, though I will bring a few thousand pounds of floor tile as sort of a "smugness masking agent" to justify the driving in the event that I am stopped by a Livable Streets Smugness Inspector.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

the best thing about the iron cross cervelo is the iron taint cross. looks comfortable. maybe they should try riding a bike before they design one that costs 60k.

Anonymous said...

Snob, nothing wrong with admitting you and Lance are buds, in fact you're like the NYC College.

Anonymous said...

all you podium commentors suck my blog

Anonymous said...

After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Lance Armstrong that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

This was adapted from a Chuck Norris joke, the Father of Awesomeness. But who knows, maybe Lance Armstrong really does sit at Chuck's side as his Son along with the Lone Wolf the Holy Spirit in the Trinity of Awesomeness.

Or, maybe not. Our only hope for a truly awesome cycling hero might in fact be... Chuck.

At least Chuck Norris wouldn't crash his bike... Chuck Norris's bike would crash itself because the asphalt is softer than Chuck Norris.

And, Chuck Norris wouldn't go bicycle racing, Chuck Norris would go winning.

Finally, Chuck Norris wouldn't choose a light weight bicycle to speed up and over the mountains, Chuck Norris would a pick an old broken down Harley Davidson and roundhouse kick it through the mountains to clear a path.

By the way they are not Chuck Norris jokes, they are just things Chuck Norris lets you read before he kills you.

ce

db said...

Snob, you are, of course, buying carbon credits to offset the air-quality damage that will be wrought by the balloon's burner, yes?

Anonymous said...

PhilboydStunge,

I see we are on the same wavelength

ce

Anonymous said...

and by the way, if the smug kitchen remodeler is such an underconsumptionist, why doesnt he just leave it the way he is? im sure those tiles arrived somewhere by motor vehicle. probably multiple times. go green, it makes you look cool!

theshepherdsdog said...

that bike with the crosses is gross

Anonymous said...

I second the delivery thing. When I bought a whole kitchen full of cabinets and countertops, I rode my bicycle to Home Depot and dropped like $20K. Trucks I didn't own delivered both things. When I need two 50 pound bags of E-Z Mix cement that cost like $4 each, I take my pickup. And I don't blog about it. Until now, I guess.

Bikes are part of the transportation mix and I don't feel guilty when I use other modes.

Shaun said...

Does anyone who pays serious attention to the sport of professional cycling really feel like Landis "dropped a bomb"? The top pro cyclists are doping??? Really??? No! Knock me over with a feather! Anyone who insists on pretending that "their guy" is clean, please disregard and enjoy.

Anonymous said...

I suppose I could be smug and note that I recycled the old cabinets, which were made from steel and dated to 1945. Some other cyclist might be riding on them right now!

Salty Seattle said...

Seems like there's a collective bad day today.

Sorry everyone.

I know for me, it's because I have to choose between the Flyers and the Blackhawks for the Stanley Cup this year. Reminds me of that, "Douche vs Shit Sandwich" episode of South Park. Though, in this case, it's neckbeard vs. the future cast of the next Twilight film.

Makes me want to hire myself out as the delivery bike for building supply stores.

ant1 said...

montgolfieres, FTW!

ervgopwr said...

Someone should free Tony Cruz from that torture device.

Also Mr. Gay has a nice WSJ piece about the absurdities surrrounding the Flandis situation at TOC this weekend.

This sport is for kooks. I'm going to race my tark bike tonight at the veldromeway.

Luke said...

I wonder if the dude renovating his kitchen thought about how privileged he is for being able to not only have a huge kitchen but to be able to renovate it as he sees fit. I wonder how the people who get to make his tiles and grout for him feel about his Olympian task of having to pick it up and put it down somewhere else. Talk about waste. Congratulations for not driving a car--how about all the other wasteful practices of consumption that you participate in?

Lonewolf88 said...

Tour de France devil dude is wielding a sub-length pitchfork... he stab and stab at the luscious foie gras but never quiet reach it.

mikeweb said...

His mother has a tattoo that says "Son".

mikeweb said...

He wouldn't be afraid to show his feminine side, if he had one.

Miss Muff said...

I came three times reading this post.

mikeweb said...

Or, there's always this.

Marc said...

Lanterne Rouge??

Looking forward to your Austin visit. Should be nice and hot by then.

That monster chain ring reminds me of the Salt Flat land speed record attempts.

Anonymous said...

"Alas, to be torn between the conflicting inner voices of self and selflessness is in many ways the basis of the human condition"

No need to go Camus on us, Snob, but this post is really the best in weeks.
All this talk of testosterone could use a Cippollini reference or two, but other than that it's all good.
Lob bless.

Michael said...

sometimes I think your too popular for your own good.

I wish more people would be devils advocate on your posts.

lone wolf interview on youtube too. its great.

Corvus said...

Portage is a nautical word. Are hipsters so deparate for their own vocablary they will steal other peoples words? Next time someone is carrying their fixed gear from one body of water to another they can call it portaging.

Anonymous said...

Michael,

I personally think Mr Snob is and always has been wrong - on all accounts. Just getting the ball rolling...

ce

a chris said...

Well, I know it's dangerous to take this seriously, but I feel a bit bad for Mark Stosberg here. I have the sense that he genuinely enjoys moving random things by bike and probably actually regrets, a little bit, that it was just a bit too unreasonable to move the tile the hard way. Even though the easy way was. You know. A lot easier.

I can see myself doing that calculation...

Anonymous said...

how'd jon voight get the nickname 'lone wolf'?

ant1 said...

Corvus - what have hipster come up with on their own?

Jefe said...

Snob, if you go forward with your eco-trip to Austin by bike we can put you up at our farmhouse near La Grange about 70 miles southeast of Mellow Johnny's. True, it's not a completely direct route from Brooklyn, but I can promise no electricity and a hand water pump out back. I have ridded to Austin from there and it very pretty through the state park, with rolling hills.

sane man said...

I respect Snob's loyalty. No Judecca for him.

Cycle Jerk said...

Thank you for saying "scrotal appliqués"

I mean it.

Anonymous said...

being paid off to go easy on LA?

Anonymous said...

LA? BJ...

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure the stockage guy is racer Tony Cruz...

Thee Punk Rock Chef said...

g: well said re: dope/Landis/Armstrong/Lemond, etc.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

bikesgonewild said...

...implications of impalement from the closeup foto of the lone wolf lotus bring to mind the sports news (?) foto last night of the bull fighter w/ the bull's horn piercing his neck & 6" of it protruding out through his mouth...

...almost horrific (from a human standpoint) until you realize it's simply retribution on the bulls part...

...go bulls !!!...

bikesgonewild said...

...floyd, dude...go w/ the lone wolf on your shoulder...he goes home to his little apartment every night & gets to shower...

...hard to be a devil's advocate when didi spends three weeks living in a tiny van whilst chasing le tour around france, drinking wine & not bathing...i heard didi gets a tad 'ripe' after awhile...

...chose wisely, mr landis...

Anonymous said...

Wait? Isn't Chrome Hearts clothing for Long Island Housewives? Why would they by a TT bike?

What's up Cervelo?

wishiwasmerckx said...

All these comments on how he plans to get the tile to his house, and not one word on the illegal immigrants hanging out in the Home Depot parking lot he hired to install it.

Curious.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...well, ya, 'cuz we're all aware that they rode over on their cheap (&/or stolen) wall-mart bikes...

...sheesh - just sayin'...

ant1 said...

bgw - it's always nice to see the bull "win". i once saw a toreador get a horn in his pants yabbies and get lifted off the ground upside down, hanging by his dick. over 50 stitches, but the dude stuck around and killed the bull. that's balls.

as an aside, bullfighting rules/tradition say that if a bull kills the dude, he gets to live out the rest of his days unmolested. they do kill his mom though, to make sure she doesn't give birth to any other bulls that put up too good of a fight.

bikesgonewild said...

...i'd say that toreador was maybe even ballsier than duncan keith of the blackhawks who took an inadvertent paddy marleau puck in the mouth the other night...

...lost 6 teeth (6 - fuck !!!), went back in the dressing room for about 5 minutes & returned to to finish out the game, including balls-ily blocking more shoots ...

...i believe he was quoted as saying, "ya, but at least it wasn't in the pants yabbies"...

Salty Seattle said...

lead out... and..

wishiwasmerckx said...

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

g said...

bgw,
reminds me of that Mexican rider that crashed in the Giro, broke his front teeth off and kept going. When they pulled a close-up of him winning the stage in front of Simoni, all jagged and broken, I nearly puked on my remote control. Great ride, though.

canajun said...

Portaging over short distances is interesting in a trail context. First comes the roll it or lift it decision. If lifting and going uphill, you want a nice upward angle on the bike. If level ground or down, well, you get it. To get the angle, you grab the sled a little ahead of, or behind the balance point, usually as low as possible.

bikesgonewild said...

...salty seattle...come on, girl...go w/ me on the blackhawks thingy for lord stanley's cup...

...the fact that there are even references to the 'broad street bullies' in the sporting blogs should sway you away from the flyers...

...nothing good comes from a philly win...

g said...

Julio Alberto Pérez Cuapio in case you were wondering his name.

bikesgonewild said...

...g...'member the fotos of hinault after crashing near the end of a tour stage, which he finished ???...

...now that was bloody & broken but unbowed...

g said...

Classic Badger. Nasty fotos, though.

bikesgonewild said...

...btw...i believe that to be the '51 schwinn tomas de torquemada...a very popular bike in it's day if you could withstand the torture of turning over that large gear...

...nowadays, if schwinn were to reproduce that model, they'd call it the schwinn chuck norris & they'd only make one & you'd only get to dream about what it requires to ride it...

Salty Seattle said...

BGW-

You do make a convincing argument.

And I can't stand neckbeard.

Shu-Sin said...

I read this blog everyday for some genuine insight into the larger issues that concern our self-centered existence as they relate to cycledom, and you delivered today... finger bang to you, RTMS.

bikesgonewild said...

...the blackhawks last won the cup in 1961...the same year the silicon chip was patented...

...there's gotta be something to that...think about it, there might never have been an on-line bsnyc/rtms...

..."hey, did'ya hear about that funny///ironic guy back in new york who writes///palps a cool bike column in the local nyc fishwrap ???"...

...'nah...ain't got no chance a' readin' anything current out a' new york...we're months behind here on the left coast, man'
...

...oh, yea, sorry...back to the game...original six team, guys like bobby hull, stan mikita, pierre pilote, glenn hall, reg fleming beat the red wings to bring the cup to the windy city...& it hasn't happened since...

...am i being compelling enough ???...besides, i believe when the two finalist's were being assessed on a point by point playoff strength basis, it was noted that there was 37% less instance of 'neckbeard' on the hawks...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

When are you not lamenting over the state of our society?

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, between hockey and cycling, does your TV ever leave the Versus channel?

Don't tell me you are a rodeo fan as well...

They call that the "Versus Hat Trick."

Stupid Name said...

Chuck Norris takes steroids. Say it aint so. I am running out of sports heroes to worship.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...nah...no bull riding favored here...i'm on the bulls side (being a taurus) & those rodeo guys cut the shape ends off of the horns...

...play fair, rodeo duds !!!...
*********************************************
...this could be a long night...under the weather, which is inclement anyway...posting & reading, 5 sites open...nothing but posting & reading...

bikesgonewild said...

...ought a' read "sharp ends"...

...guess w/ this cold i'm out a' 'shape' & not very 'sharp'...

Paul said...

I did it. After all the LOLs, I really did laugh out loud: "I'm renovating my kitchen. Why are you driving?"

YaniCan said...

I used to own a floor tile store before i had to shut it down ITTET. 850 sqft of tile was what I would move by hand every half hour of the day, their is no energy there, this guy is making it seem spiritual. It's just heavy and mildly tiring. Get over yourself.

honkybucket said...

I think Ant1, w/ all his valuable insight there on the bullfighting, has established himself as the rodeo expert here. Looking forward to reading his bullfightingsnobatl blog.

Anonymous said...

$60k and the Red drivetrain is still be noisy as hell. I bet Jens Voigt could ride that torture saddle, though. Wouldn't even bother him.

PawnShop said...

AYAFFSSB

(All You Anonymous Floyd Fellaters Suck Snob's Balls)

Get your own Lob-damned audience - don't waste the time of the one that RTMS has so painstakingly curated.

HAND FOAD

yofilly said...

Salty-

The Flyers were down 3-0 in the Boston series and came back. Ian Laperriere lost SEVEN teeth in a game in November, took 100 stitches, and skated the next day. We are the underdog. We are the George Hincapie of this mighty competition. And we are playing with FULL GAS.

Let's go Flyers!

bikesgonewild said...

...don't be swayed, salty seattle...

...yofilly is grasping @ straws...

...first off. i was wrong & it turns out duncan keith did in fact lose seven (7) teeth & came back to finish the game...

...re: underdogs, yofilly ???...
..."I don’t think we are underdogs" quoteth team captain mike richards...

...& that's not me just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...besides..."full gas" leads to flatulence...

...now i'm just sayin'...

cyclegoddess said...

Qof M, Oz!

David Henderson said...

I would think that it's not easy being Floyd. I hope he get's ALL THE WAY CLEAN AND SOBER.

cyclegoddess said...

LOne Wolf is certainly Tao. From the fan post, I am guessing , somebodys in looovveee!( tee hee)

As for portaging, spoken like someone who own light bikes, and has man arms.I just haul the thing up and trundle it.. as well as I can. Trundle, thats a new Pz word for ya.
Nice post. I has a bad day too( rained out of group ride, no rainjacket in cold downpour).

Anonymous said...

the 19th century bike has the same curved seat tube at the ridiculous Cervelo -- beware hucksters selling "the latest" technology.

PhilboydStunge said...

That's right ce. The reason Lone Wolf was portaging across the beach is that he was riding out to Catalina Island to give Chuck Norris some fitness pointers.

bikesgonewild said...

...cyclegoddess...some people simply rock...you trundle...

....that is fucking cool !!!...

Anonymous said...

elephantiasis of the cranks.

fierce panties said...

The Lone Wolf lives!

fierce panties said...

Top 200!

cyclegoddess said...

Ive loved the LOne Wolf since that pic of his multi water bottle, tri bar book holder thing. Very sculpture-ish, yet seeming practical.

I can sympathize with the tile man,being green is a pain in the ass. "It aint easy being green." He should look into the shared car thing, instead of wasting time fretting.

Anonymous said...

Chrome Hearts Cervelo... studded anal crucifixion.

Anonymous said...

Linking the legend of the Lone Wolf with that of the great and hairy Chuck Norris seems like a natural fit, but just now searching for the Lone Wolf interview that Michael mentioned was on YouTube I was amazed to find that Chuck Norris actually starred in a movie called Lone Wolf McQuade in the early eighties. I've only been reading this blog since late last year, was this the reference that led to the mysterious Lotus owner originally being dubbed the Lone Wolf??? I'll have to check the archives.

PawnShop, good to see someone on the door making sure that only the invited guests get in to the party, good job son.

ce

cyclegoddess said...

What strikes me as most stupid about Loyds recent behavior - is if he handled it better, he could have moved off the field, as many skilled athletes who are not primo elite,to be a commentator.
He according to Armstrong has a uniqueview and sense of humor, from being raised Mennonite. It may have been a good thing.
Why burn your own ass burning bridges?
Surely he could have done it , whatever it is hes doing, more logically.

yofilly said...

BGW-Seven seed versus a two seed? We'll be lucky to escape with a few teeth. Definitely David vs. Goliath. The Underdog vs. The Mighty Lone Wolf. I can hear the howling all the way from Chicago.

Salty-it always feels good to root for the little guy....

Steven Falkowski said...

Mark Stosberg could learn a hauling lesson from these guys.
http://www.designboom.com/weblog/cat/8/view/10322/velo-bicycle-culture-and-design.html

Mrs. Weiss said...

Are you keeping shush about Armstrong because you sniffed his shorts a couple of times at NYC. Good read for you :

Curious Financial Relationships In The Lance Armstrong Doping Saga

Ms. Stephanie said...

Very entertaining read. However, I was driven to distraction by use of "woosie". It's "wussy" - you know, like pussy.

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Tim said...

At first I thought the Lone Wolf was checking out that fine lady on her way up the stairs, but it appears that that he's actually concerned with the kid. Maybe he's reminded of his own errant childhood?

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