Friday, December 17, 2010

BSNYC Friday Attack Rabbit!

Firstly, I'd like to thank all 9,382 people (and counting) who took the time to comment yesterday in order to point out that the accent of the narrator of the Bicyclebungee video was in fact New Zealandish (New Zealandesque? New Zealous?), and not Scottish as I indicated. However, for purposes of my own credibility, I would like to point out that I was well aware of this, and that my referring to the accent as Scottish was what in pro blogging jargon is sometimes referred to as an "ironical joke." This is why, if you clicked on the word "Scottish" in yesterday's post, you saw this:

Of course, the fact that this did not come across as a joke is proof of two things: 1) I'm a clumsy joke-maker; and 2) People really do think Americans are that clueless. With regard to that second point, I feel it incumbent on me as an American to explain and clarify our unique brand of cluelessness. The truth is that, while most of us cannot find either Scotland or New Zealand (or our home states for that matter) on a map, we are well-versed in the Scottish accent, thanks mostly to our rich popular culture, which has provided us with two excellent templates. There's this one:

And of course this one:



Between these to characters and the movie "Trainspotting," even the densest American can readily identify a Scottish accent.

The New Zealand accent is a different matter, and admittedly most of us can't distinguish it from an Australian accent--with which we're all familiar, thanks to Australia's current Prime Minister, Mick "Crocodile" Dundee:

Furthermore, recently we've also learned that, in addition to the Australian accent, there's also "the other one," thanks to people like this guy:

And, to a lesser extent, these guys:

Therefore, the more discerning and culturally sensitive among us will, when we hear an accent like the one in the Bicyclebungee video, take a moment to consider whether it's indeed Australian or "the other one," in the same way some of us might take an extra moment to read the ingredients on a bottle of Starbucks Frappuccino before buying it.

Admittedly, though, most of us just declare it Australian and call it good, just like most of us prefer to buy now and ask questions later. And as far as our knowledge of the rest of the world goes, sure there are a few blanks we could stand to fill in, but on the whole I think we've got a pretty good handle on it:


A fair number of us even know it's round, and that over 70% is covered by the stuff James Cameron makes movies about and that Al Gore says polar bears are drowning in. We also know from science that it was created in seven days, and that dinosaurs and fossils are pagan superstitions. So say what you want about our educational system, but you can't say that we don't have one, or that our schools aren't great places to score drugs.

Plus, no country produces true visionaries like America (think great Americans like Einstein, Bono, and Winston Churchill), and when it comes to modern visionaries the "57 things" guy ranks right up there with the best of them. Indeed, "57 things" guy "Tweets" the sorts of thoughts that are sure to change the world:

Oh, sure, I see that happening. In fact, your fellow visionary American George Lucas is already on it:

And here's the President of that cloud government, his name is Lando Calrissian:

I can't wait until we're all fellow citizens of the Earth, living in a decentralized cloud-based Wiki-Minimalistocracy, voting for the next Supreme Ruler and World Yoga Instructor with our iPads.

Until that day comes, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz, which will most likely be the penultimate (that means "second to last," and not "ultimate penis") quiz before the end of 2010. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right the Almighty Lobster will not kill a kitten with his Pincers of Justice, and if you're wrong you'll learn how to ride your bike in Fukuoka.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your Bicyclebungee be long and resilient.

--BSNYC/RTMS






1) Eric "The Chamferer" Murray says:

--"Thanks for the mention."
--"Thanks for all the attention."
--"Thanks for all the hipster pussy."
--"Go fuck yourself."





2) Money manager Martin Erzinger, who just received probation and a suspended sentence, claims he hit a cyclist and fled the scene in part because:







3) Andy Hampsten killed and ate teammate Bob Roll during his historic ascent of the Gavia Pass in the 1988 Giro d'Italia.






4) This device is called:







5) Why is this woman smiling?






(Puh-leeze. Axes are sooo 2010.)

6) Via a reader, artisanal axes are out; artisanal ______ are in.





(This man wants to analyze your bodily fluid...but which bodily fluid?)


7) Power meters are out; ______________ is in.


(Correct answer via Revolution Wheelworks.)



***Special Alternative Framebuilding Materials-Themed Bonus Question***



Good news for pandas! (Sort of.) Bamboo bikes are out; _________________ bikes are in.



96 comments:

L'Idiot said...

Hey Yo!

Le Idiot said...

Going for 2

L'Idiot said...

Three?

L'idiot said...

Hey- where is everyone?

samh said...

We're reading the post.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

D. Hawerchuk said...

Perfect Score and top 10???
Quelle Domage!!! Zut alors

Anonymous said...

top ten finally?

La Douche said...

SAME TIME

Matt said...

Wow, and I even read it and got some answers right. Not the one about eating Bob Roll, though. I guess I got fooled because my wife makes some delicious Bob Rolls for Christmas along with the Rum Balls.

Matt said...

Love the artisinal axe (<--artisinal axes have the "e" on them) holster. Wouldn't that be just about perfect for floor-pump toting fixie tourists of Japan?

English, not British said...

I find it safer to call them all Antipodeans, as they can't take offense that way. But Kiwi is usually less of a mouthful.
Most Californians seem to think I am Australian for some reason...

Indy Falconheads said...

Nothing says, "I'm a whacko" like an axe holster on the back.

mikeweb said...

"Brit?"
"No, Brett".
"Britt"??
"No, Brett".
"Britt"???

streepo said...

Had to brake off some self-abuse to make top 20.

hillbilly said...

awesome map, have a great weekend everyone.

Fixed Carbon said...

The accent is "New Zealandish"! The "eeee" is a complete giveaway. If the chick said "egg," it would have come out "eeeeeeeeeeg"; "leg" is "leeeeeg," etc. in New Zealandlish.

Helen said...

I love that they don't show the useful part of the artisanal arrows - the point! What is the point!?

Anonymous said...

America already has a "decentralized government", and as Wikkileaks has shown, it is operated "in the cloud" to a fault already. Lando isnt President (yet), but we had Cheney for a vice president & they both made a fortune in mining stuff and enjoy betraying their respective causes while its politically expedient. So...

I'm sure the 57 things boy-child knew that already though. He just didn't want to seem pretentious.

Erik said...

Those stupid arrows don't even have a nook (that's where the bow string goes). Don't these idiots (that being artisinal outdoorsmen) usually cultivate the pretense of actual use.

Anonymous said...

www.committed365.blogspot.com, sticking it to the manimalists

Anonymous said...

I only missed the Bob Roll question.

Brian said...

Woo-hoo, 100%! Where's my gold star? (Also, I'll take a BSNYC t-shirt in its stead.)

Kendall said...

Cool! Another bike from the gritty streets of Salt Lake City made it into the hallowed halls of BSNYC!

Charlie said...

Fantastic map! I sent it to everyone I know, and she was happy to get it.

6 out of 8 on the quiz!

Peace and Love From Canada, America's New Zealand.

Anonymous said...

offthebackeel!!! :(

David Henderson said...

By chance is the name of the axe model Radion Romanovich Rasholnikov?

Anonymous said...

I like how the bamboocycles site has an action shot of the rider salmoning straight into an oncoming car. mmmm bamboo and salmon, yum!

Anonymous said...

you forgot the geico gekko!!!

wp said...

snobbie,

as the plethora of corrective busybodies proved in yesterday's reply column, we _are_ genuine 'mericans. too lazy to click an embedded link or to even read any reply above our own, but quick to slap the "i know better than snobbie" button upon our keyboards (or "app"--however you roll (poor bob.))

please revise your world map to reflect the location of the tech-support call center.

Dave said...

Sos the whole Scotland/New Zealand thing was a joke. Oh I get it. Ha ha. Good one.

A Southern Redneck said...

Eric @12:03, I noticed the lack of nocks also. Arrows are worthless without nocks, for sure. It is possible that they are for crossbows. Crossbow bolts usually do not have nocks but are flat along the top.

These don't look like crossbow bolts though. Too skinny for their lengths. Look more like arrows for a traditional longbow.

Lando said...

thanks for the shout out

Nogocyclist said...

Painting arrows is traditional. It is not something that Fakerarchers have started doing recently. There are reasons arrows are painted this way including being able to distinguish your arrows from someone else's at a match, and bright multiple colors also help you find the arrows when they get lost in the foliage and grass.

Painting an arrow brightly in several different colors actually is practical, not just hipster foolishness.

Test Tickle said...

Hey Kendal -

NICE BIKE

SALT LAKE

balls.

Nogocyclist said...

BSNYC, don't assume no one actually reads nutritional labels. For diabetics who don't have an HbA1c over 10.0, this is a must. Reading these labels has become so habit forming, I look at the CHOs on the label even if I pick up something, someone else is going to eat.

rural said...

ant 2nd!
PS - just read David Byrne's bicycle diaries. As easy as it is to mock him (and Mistah Snob, you do an excellent job), the book is worth reading.

TJ Eckleburg said...

Where is the old Zealand?

ervgopwr said...

PENU LTMT

The only thing missing from this quiz was Cipo.

I suggest the map be revised to show Italy as "Cipo's labial palace" or luv shack or some other thing that demonstrates his 'Machismo'.

Anonymous Coward said...

Snob, the world map is gold.

Quiz was going well until the Chris Carmichael question, and then it all went to hell. I suppose I need to get my sweat analyzed so I won't bonk in the future.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Nogocyclist, I think that you will find firearms considerably more efficient and convenient than a bow and arrow. You can still paint the shell casings with stripes and bright colors if you choose, but most people consider that to be a waste of time.

Concerned 2.0 said...

Quiz was easy today. Map was awesome, I want it on my wall. When will you sell out and start making your own products? Streetwear enthusiast Prolly already has his own seat. Think of how much pussy action he will be getting?!

phylos said...

Since the non-Maori population of New Zealand is largely of Scottish descent, the distinction is probably academic at best. Totally distinct from the English criminals represented by Croc Dundee. Interesting how the crotch of the world and a vague part of Yurp intersect like this.

Anonymous said...

So, Minimalist dreams up some whacky-shit idea, then asks if someone else is working on it? I think the whole concept of work is one item not in his shopping cart of 57 things.

Anonymous said...

TJ Eckleburg: In the Netherlands.

PawnShop said...

Churchill actually was an American. Having never availed himself of his eligibility for U.S. citizenship ( his mother was American ), Congress & the President declared him one in 1963.

Not wishing to be shown up by Colonials, BBC subscribers voted Bono to be one of the '100 Greatest Britons' in history, despite the fact that he's a Mick. Maybe there's hope for our schools yet.

crosspalms said...

6 for 8 (arrows? not flensing knives?) but spent so much time giggling over the map I'm, what, 48th?

crosspalms said...

T J Eckleburg
If you wait a couple of months, you can have the New, Improved! Zealand

Max said...

How many kittens died to bring us this quiz? I myself am spattered with the blood of one tiny feline, blood which I fear will never wash out. "Out, damned Spot! out, I say!" as the Bard wrote in the "Scottish*" play.

(Spot was my poor little pussy cat.)

I hope, Lob willing, some enterprising freegan finds a suitably green use for all these dead kittens. Plush I-phone holsters? Axe helve polishing cloths? Cat gut bow strings?

* Actually, Macbeth takes place in New Zealand.

Anonymous said...

That minimalist guy would be perfect for Fox News

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Snob:

on the map - is that a comic and ironical
"Commonists" or is it actually a typo for "Communists"?

I thought maybe if I clicked on it a I would be presented with a picture of Lenin (not Lennon). I would have taken this to mean that you actually knew the correct spelling but were once again having fun with how little Americans (the crumbs in Canada's beard)knew about the world, politics and spelling.
But I clicked on it and nothing happened so I'm confused.

This whole internet thing is very frustrating.

slow one said...

Why is the word "penultimate" in the English language? With the exception of the writer and readers of this blog, and Phil Ligget, no-one else knows what it means. Most think it means "a little better than ultimate."

crosspalms said...

It's classier than "pencilultimate."

Martin Erzinger said...

You peasants, how dare you mock my new car smell. Those that have can run over those that do not.

Nogocyclist said...

wishiwasmerckx
Just wish to clarify a couple of things. I don't use a bow at all. With Bilateral Frozen Shoulder and Spinal Osteoarthritis with cervical stenosis, I could not even shoot a kid's bow if I wanted to. In my state bows are much more efficient than guns during several weeks of the year. If you used a firearm to shoot a deer, it would result in a jail term or a huge fine at those times of year. It would be a little easier just to use the bow in the first place.

As for painting bullets casings, lets just say, it is not a waste of time, it is just plain stupid. It would ruin the chamber of a gun in very short order.

Fakerjacks would probably still buy them though. Wonder if I could get rich selling those bullets to them?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

What a week. Thanks snob.

samh- good one!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Nogocyclist, Holy smokes. With all that going on range-of-motion-wise, I hope you can still jack off.

bikesgonewild said...

...artisanal arrows make me quiver...

Anonymous said...

saweet Bob Roll photo

bikesgonewild said...

...rather than painting your bullets, i've heard rubbing the tips with garlic improves your chances even if you're a poor shot...

...old sicilian wives tale ???...i think not...

bikesgonewild said...

...the only smell martin erzinger was "overwhelmed" by was that of wealth & it's privileges...

...as a human being he overwhelmingly stinks of failure & lack of responsibility...

Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for an anti-narcissism drug to come down the pike. Looks like it'll be a long wait.

crosspalms said...

Rather than painting my own bullets, I take them for a weekly ammocure. My ammocurist ammocurates them in whatever colorway is currently trendy, then I pop them in my bandolier and I'm like a Peter Max portrait of Rambo.

Martin Erzinger said...

"Erzinger's attorney said his client has a sleep disorder and dozed off."

I get sleepy when I smell money.

That is my story and I am sticking to it.

Josh said...

Flight of the Concords are from New Zealand

poodawdle said...

Question #2: You forgot the "doughy" part.

red neckerson said...

everbody knows how to spell commonist you dum yankee fucks

Reginald Von Gleason said...

It is a statisically proven fact that men who chop up their wife/girlfriend/best friends wife/live in trollop/girl next door/random selected she-devil stranger using artisanal axes are 99 times less likely to go to prison than men who use K-Mart or Sears, etc. purchased plain vanilla axes to chop up their wife/girlfriend/best friends wife/live in trollop/girl next door/randomly selected she-devil complete stranger.

duxus dumentia luxe said...

monsters all, release the shoulder straps of the sult next door. inhale the clean fresh air of new car cult
disorder. come out and play...

dux said...

make that slut..

mandroid said...

I'm afraid your hypothesis about dinosaurs and fossils being mere "pagan superstitions" is a little out of date at this point. It is now common knowledge that dinosaurs and early humans existed side by side. I mean, how else do you explain all that black and white film footage?

If you're still skeptical you can visit the Creation Museum (creationmuseum.org) in Kentucky. They wouldn't put something in a museum if it weren't true!

xyxax said...

hey, red neckerson is back!
How's Jerlene and them?

xyxax said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Panties! Minimal panties! Plaid ones made from tartan cloth! Fifty-seven pairs!

Anonymous said...

Best blog post ever

Anonymous said...

Ah-roo?

Doug said...

@concerned 2.0, we all have our own seats, not just Prolly. I think mine is getting bigger all the time.

Anonymous said...

I tried Googling using the pertinent terms in today's diatribe btu got this answer: Your search - Bungee Kiwi Scotland Trainspotting Dundee Cameron 57 Lando Frappuchino Tweets Penis ... - did not match any documents.

FAMOUS NEW ZEALAND CASTING GUY said...

I WILL BE CASTING LEAD ROLES FOR "AERIAL ADVENTURES OF THE DOUCHE' BAGS" IN WHANGANUI TOWNE CENTRE STARTING MONDAY JANUARY 10, 2011.

IF YOU ARE NOT A MAJOR DOUCHE' BAG THEN PLEASE DO NOT WASTE MY TIME.

ALL PRIMARY FEMAKE ACTORS MUST PASS A FELATIO AGILITY PRE SCREENING TEST.

Philip Williamson said...

anon 5:41 (penultimate post before mine)... you misspelled Frappuccino. But now YOUR comment shows up on google with that search.

Vicious circle, that.

Anonymous said...

A short time ago I extrapolated some trends documented by Snob, and foretold a day when the first post-fixie hipster would be seen cutting cyclocross track in the city streets with a pretty pulaski or pimped hoe. That day is closer than I thought. I have just found video evidence showing that the hipsters recently sent a special envoy beyond the city limits to investigate options for the acquisition and artisanalization of a diverse range of backwoods tools. Pulaskis and hoes featured prominently. ce
Key points:
3:00 "...these guys get up every morning at this hour, but I feel, like physically shaken. Just not used to 5:00 o'clock"
6:22 "The tree dust is playing hell with my sinuses"
4:48, 7:31 Negotiating unpaved terrain in hipster jeans

Josh said...

Whats the movie from the first picture?

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Fixie Bikes said...

I like your new zealand poster.